SANDRA=)

25mar2010

2011-03-26T03:21:00.001+08:00

e one week he'd wanted passed already...many tings have happened..tings tat happened to bro,george..everythin..hmm.when i received e call from mom,i dint noe wad to do..i really needed someone dere for me..but,i noe lovell wudn be..i had no one to turn to..called george and i cudn reach her..hmm..just tat mornin,i felt lyk doin wad bro did..i just wanted everythin to end..i really wanted everythin to stop and i can no longer feel it no matter how it hurts my heart..tat aftnoon,mom called..i felt horrible..i dint noe who i cud turn to..tats when i realised,im alone..alone wif no one else...

wad happens to e 'hun,i needa slp le,its 2le..'hmm..next min,door bell rings,'sorrie hun,i call yew ltr,bye.'hmm.aft all,he'll say his sorrie,he wans me dere,he misses me and everythin..hmm.it feels lyk his sayin it just for sayin it...actually he doesnt hafta say all these to lyk make up to it.it just makes me feel lyk,'oh..i left her,i shud say tis,if not ltr she not happy..so beta say...'hmmm...

hmm..i dint wan to blog..but i feel terrible nt havin a place to throw everythin out..

everythins changed..hmm..toked to hun on e fone when he was havin his break..kinda gone when i toked to him..cant rmb wad we said..but i tink he dint realised tat i drank..anw,i dunno why i cried oso..but just did..he dint realised it too..but,tats fine..he went to work..den i slp at spore 230 lo..yupps.woke up when he call me..

felt terrible..headache and wanted to puke..nvm..hmm..den he went to buy knife.den took cab home.but e fone kup..tried callin him,he nv answer already..so,yupps.he called me when he reach home..hmm..den e usual routine..den his mom come home den he just kup me.came back he not dere liao..oh well,its okie.den he went pom pom and eat dinner.den i wait for him lo..hmm.i waited but,he nv call me back and stuffs.so,i knew he was gamin le..so dint wanna disturb him lo..den he called aft he saw e msg..den yea,i was rite..he was gamin..hmm.in tat case,ii just pretend wan slp lo..den he muted his mic..hmm..at tat moment,i felt my heart break once again..tears filled up my eyes..hmm..even aft so long,it still happens day aft day..well,i laid dere wif my eyes open,but him not noe-in it..soon,he went to bed..hmm.so i watched my ma la tian hou gong..but really dint have e mood to watch it at all..looked at him while he slpt..i feel hurt..i feel pain..nvm it..i went to slp..

woke up many tyms.he was still slpin at 19ish and his dere..his bro dint take e laptop..i felt happy..but,at e same tym,i felt fear..anytym his bro wil be back and he'll be gone..tried to accept it,and went back to bed tinkin i wont see him till tomolo..woke up sooo many tyms just to see if hes dere..yes he is..but i still feel tat fear..finally his awake and told me his bro is only comin back next week..happy i am..he woke up and started gamin..hmm..happy i am tat his awake,but...we never toked cos he was gamin..hmm..tis is how i use to tink of myself in his heart..

1.me, 2.me, 3.me, 4.me...now,hmm..1.bro, 2.frens, 3.games, 4.drama, 5.me...first bro,bro not dere,frens..when both not dere,his drama and games..hmm..tings have changed hasnt it?i no longer feel tat 'concern and e importance' of his anymore...it seems lyk im just an alternative now..perhaps tats wad he meant by its been too long since im away..everythin changes..for e pass few days,its been his game and his drama..although we're on skype,but his gamin..he'll say im quiet and all.but when i tok to him,he cant really hear..he gets to engrossed in his game..hmm.maybe tokin when yewre gamin is e wrong tym..in tat case,i choose to slp..but not really slp.just pretend..ltr on,he'll be aslp..

i dont feel e importance of me in his heart anymore..more and more temper and everythin..wakin him up in e mornin cud tell so much.. its so much different from how it use to be..'can give me 5more mins ma?!', 'urgh!!!', 'tsk,and cover blanket over head'...tis mornin to be honest,if i was e one wakin him another tym instead of his mom,i wud have gotten tat instead of his mom..its just e wrong tymin when his mom called him once more..i cud feel it..hmm..i dunno...

hmm..hasn he wondered y i din go out to get groceries?hmm..i wud love to..but i cant..hmm.i cant wear my pants..my knee is infected already..it hurts..but,i dint tell him..i mean,i noe wad he'll say..e when his home,his gamin..and tats when i'll tell him..and his reaction wud be..'yew ar..i dunno wad to say..yew dunno how to takairre of urself..'and continue his game while sayin it..hmm..kinda makes me nt wan to tell him stuffs anymore..feels lyk im disturbin him wif stuffs tat i wanna say and he doesnt care..hmm..simply,tings have changed and will continue..

in 4 days,its our first yr..i dunno if im feelin happy or sad about it..i really dunno..tinkin back for e pass month and more,i feel lyk im losin him day by day,and i have..losin him to everythin slowly and painfully..i hate to tink tat one day,i'll lose him completely..

16mar2011

2011-03-17T12:48:00.002+08:00

hmm.lovell called me when he reached home..den kinda felt weird..hmm..den ltr on,cant rmb how it links to e dress...den he make me wear it..

den wear liao,he say i cannot wear it out..yupps..but i really love e dress!!i feel tat its damn nice when i wear it!!hmm.lovell say too lou so cannot wear it out..den say i look hot when i wear it..i can see from his eyes tat he was shocked tat i wear until lyk tat..but,i oso can see he not happy i wear until lyk tat..hmm..but honestly,how to wear tat dress out?go party wear until lyk tat,is totally ownself find trouble de...but i tot e dress looks really good..

den we tok for awhile lo..den his leg pain..ask him see doc,he dont go see..i oso dunno wad to say..must be today dance too much and stuffs le ba..tats why ba...hopefully it gets beta b4 he starts work ba..shud be next week monday jiu startin work le ba..hope its gonna be a good environment for him den...hmm..i tink oso dint really tok much..toked bout his bdae present..he asked me where his bdae present is and stuffs den said he gave me so many tings for my bdae,yet he receives nth at all..hmm..sorrie..i just tot maybe yew'll prefer receivin face to face..but,oh well.nvm..den nth much le,he jiu orh orh liao..he orh orh i oso fell aslp le.yupps..skype kup cos he nv charge his fone..den i woke up at 2ish..felt hungry but cant be bothered to make tings to eat..so,dint eat..den watch my kang xi..den around 3ish lovell jiu wake up den call me again..den he fell back aslp aft awhile..den internet connection got prob so kup again..den i watched todays kangxi..its hei ren and fan wei qi..

hmm..first tym on tv together..hmm..its very gan dong..tears rolled down at a scene or 2..den it showed tomolos yu gao..its damn gan dong!fan fan was singin for hei ren..hmm..den fan fan felt tat everythin was boring and pointless in their 7th year...theyre together for 10years now...yupps.hmm..hei ren is not sweet enuff to fan fan...but theyre really very compatible as a couple!hopefully everythin wud go smoothly in future for em ba..10 years is a very long period of tym to be honest!!!especially when theyre yi ren and they face so much stress and everythin..

hmm..dunno y i will cry when i see it..maybe i just randomly tot of some stuffs and tat made me emotional and stuffs ba..hopefully everythin will yu guo tian qing ba..he told me to give him a week..aft hes bro book in everythin will be back to normal..will it?i dunno..im hopin it does..wad if it doesn?wad if deres no bro for weekdays,he go to work,den aft work hes got his frens and weekends hes got his bro?will tings be able to go back to b4?i dunno...
hmm..lovell said he'll wake me up ltr for sch at 1030..hmm..i said no need.but he say he just wanted to do smth sweet..but,i noe very well,at 1030,spore already 630,by den his bro is already back le..so,its fine..he'll forget bout it..den i mite feel beta when he doesn wake me up,cos im e one who said he dint have to,instead of me havin tis hope tat he wud,and he forgot or smth..i dint ask him to call me when he wakes up cos i noe by e tym he wakes up,hes bro wud be back soon..and i wont feel beta when i noe he hang up on me cos of his bro or when i wake up and he dint give me a call.although its happened many tyms,but it still hurts..

hmm.ke neng shi xin li shang de an wei,huo zhe shi yi jin jian jian de xi guan le ba..xi guan gui xi guan,dan,dang shi qing zai du de fa shen shi,xin li hai shi hui jue de tong tong de,ye ming bai le zi ji de fen liang he di wei qi shi ye bu guo shi ru chi..shui ran ming zhi dao shuo yi tao que zhuo yi tao,dan hai shi hui bao zhe qi dai de xin qin den dai..dao tou lai,shang de que shi zi ji..anw,hope tings wud get beta cos i really do need yew..

16mar2011

2011-03-17T03:11:00.000+08:00

woke lovell up den he say he no needa go interview liao cos e sheraton hotel accepted him..yupps..so he went back to slp.den i oso went to slp..hmm.den george alarm awhile ltr den ring liao..so dint get to really slp..yupps..den she release e air from e bed damn fuckin noisy den,wash up and tok to her mom,den i fuckin dulan den nv slp lo..yupps..

den i woke up at 11 wash up and stuffs den went to e mall for food and buy georges last min stuffs...den we had BK for lunch..not so bad oso la..hmm.lovell went clubbin wif bro..anw,den went shoppin awhile,den went to tesco to get her cheese ting den came home le..den she bought a heels..den she cant put into luggage den ask me to pack for her lo..she dowan to listen to me lo..idiot!!i already say liao..den she oso dowan listen..in e end rush help her pack lo..den she was amazed how much i cud pack into e luggage lo!!!.......idiot..den in e end,needa rush for e bus lo!!!!idiot!den lucky lo,got dere,e bus was already movin.den george stopped e driver..den lucky sia!!!if not miss e bus!!!yupps.den she went up e bus lo...so i walked alone slowly back to home lo..

felt really lonely..although deres so many ppl around,but it felt really quiet..den took my tym to walk back to my room..stood outside e flat to smoke..smoked slowly..everythin felt really quiet..hmm..yupps.den went up to my really quiet and messy room..hmm.felt really empty in my heart..really quiet..hmm..dunno y..everythin just felt...i dunno wads e word to describe it..but,it dint feel good..hmm..although george is gone and im on my own again,but i kinda wan tis..i just wanna stay in my room and on my bed and do nth..2 weeks felt sooo long and tired..im really tired already...

hmm.anw,came back to room to pack e room and all den went to pom pom..toked to daddy mummy too..called george as well..everytins fine..she checked in and did her refund tax ting liao..den went walk around..yuppps.den i watch ma la tian hou gong lo..yupps.now waitin for george to board her flight den will call her awhile ltr..yupps..

hmm..now its 3 in spore already...i doubt i'll tok to lovell tonite again liao..hmm.he is drunk by now i suppose..he fb-ed me sayin he is seh when its only 11ish..so,yupps.i suppose...yupps..hmm..i dunno wad to say already..i really feel tat my heart is gone..i just.....im tired..really tired..for almost a month..i dunno wad to say..but,yea..just feel i already got no more energy to cry anymore..deres really no tears anymore..it feels horrible..really..but,im doin all i can to keep myself gng on..at tis rate,i really dunno how long more i can keep myself gng on lyk tis...ivve just got to...

15mar2011

2011-03-16T11:52:00.001+08:00

okie..prepared go shoppin in e mall..den went to e mall at 230..den went to la dolce vita to have lunch..i had same normal food..carbonara..den george had e mushroom tingy..hmm..and had 2 cocktails.i dunno wad george ordered..one of it tasted so horrible..lyk medicine la!!den e other one is nice la..den e stupid george made me make me drink e horrible one den she drink e nice one.wadever..den today i treat lo..cos daddy say de..yupps.den got construction gng on in e pub..den,we quickly finish den went off liao lo..den went shoppin at e mall for george relatives lo..yupps

went to oxygen,and i bought a dress for 15pounds!!!its damn sexy de la!!!!blue de..damn fuckin nice lo!!!!!ya.den i bought it.yupps.dunno when den will wear until lo..yupps.den went went around walk walk wif george buy her stuffs.den went primark..she damn wad la!!!i chose 2 colours of e polo shirt i wanted..den george purposely went to go choose and den buy one for her dad aand ah gong!wth la!!den she ask me buy!den is lyk..i wear same shirt as ur dad and ah gong,wtf la?so dint buy..yupps.den she bought her stuffs den went to buy mac ice cream den came home...but by e tym i came home,lovell already fell aslp already..yupps.

reach home cook soup for dinner only and ate e left over fried chicken from ytd..den watched ma la tian hou gong while eating.yupps/den finish eatin george jiu do her packin and stufss.wah..i see how she pack,i really cannot tahan la.really not a smart traveller.yupps.but tell her liao.she die oso dowan listen.so wadever...den we watched ma la tian hou gong again den lovell suddenly woke up..den fb me..den fb for quiet some tym den he fell aslp again..yupps.den watch watched and watched..den help george check in and book coach ticket for tomolo..den continue watch..den lovell woke up again cos dad call ask him go down take tings..yupps.den watch watch watch.finally george fell aslp..yupps..

hmm.lovell fb-ed me bout e same issue again..hmm.i really dunno wad to say..i mean..he wans me to guan him..but,lyk ive told him..if i did,he'll hate me..he says he cant feel e love when i dont care bout wad he does..but,i do..but i keep it in my heart..if i did say it out,he'll be down again and promise tat he wont do it again..but,e next day or maybe afew days ltr,he'll do it again and e same ting wud happen over and over again..den wads e point?i mean he gets upsets when i says it..i get upsets when he doesn do wad he preach..so,i dunno..hmm.i dunno wad to do..lyk deres soo many different issues..maybe now cos lovells gt hes bro,den ive got george now..he asked me to give him another week den his bro will book in le..hmm.i dunno wad to say..i nv expect him to spend more tym on me even if hes bro books in in less den 2 weeks..so its fine even if he dint..lyk when i wake up,hes bro is already back..so he hafta pei bro..den when he is done wif his bro,im out wif george..den he goes to bed..den everyday,its lyk tat..he just dont have tym for me tis few days..i dont mind and i wont wan him to promise and swear..just tat i feel tat deres not really a point in doin tat..yupps..

deres lots of other stuffs..i dunno wad to say oso..yupps..i just hope everythin wud be fine..i oso really wish to tell him everythin..but,i really tink its pointless to say it all out..yupps..so,i hope tings wud be fine...if it isnt,i really dunno how to continue my life anymore..i mite just...i dunno..so,hopefully deres nth tat'll cause tis relationship to change=(

15mar2011

2011-03-15T21:56:00.000+08:00

hmm.woke up.but din feel lyk gng for lecture and workshop so continue to slp all w way till 12ish 1 den wake up..hmm..fb lovell on and offs when i wake up..yupps.hes havin another interview tomolo at orchard..hope everythin goes well..yupps.

hmm..i dunno y now im really scared or i dunno wads e rite word to describe e feelin i have towards his bro...hmm.i noe he meant well for lovell..wan him to play more and stuffs when he is young and all tat..wif him by lovells side,tellin him stuffs which are very big influences to lovell,mite just change tings just in a sec...i feel bad enuff leavin lovell alone in spore..den wif his bro sayin tis,i really dunno if im doin e rite ting anymore..i dunno if i shud be holdin on so tightly smth i cherish so much but am hurtin him so much in e end...i really aint wanna do tat to him..

when hes wif his bro,i just a normal reaction for me to back off..i aint wan him to be on bad terms and stuffs wif his bro..lyk,if he fbs me when his wif his bro,hes bro is unhappy wif him..den e next ting will be him tellin me its fine cant tok..but he nv replies..it makes me feel broken when he says smth just lyk tat,and not bein able to do it..although in my heart i noe i wont receive anythin from him even when he says he will,i still felt broken when he did not..den when his home,hes got to pei bro high..den same tings happens..oh well.its fine..but when he does,hes bro will be unhappy and tell him to stop..so...yupps..for now,i only noe i shud back off when lovells wif his bro..and tok to him when hes alone or just b4 he slps ba..riiitte..perhaps...or...maybe tings wud go towards e other way...i dunno and i aint wanna noe bout it now...im just empty now..

14mar2011

2011-03-15T11:27:00.001+08:00

hmm.okie.while waiting for laundry,fb lovell for quite abit..den he cannot take it liao jiu went to bed lo..yupps..felt really bad bout it..made him wait till 6 in e mornin den dint even get to tok to him at all..feel really horrible tat he dint slp just to wait for me..yupps.haix.

hmm..tings are not good..i dunno how to say..i seem to yi shen yi gui now..lyk everythin oso needa care..everythin oso dont believe even if he told me himself..but,i really aint wan him to feel lyk how he felt when he was wif yc..i dowan him to feel tat im so sticky and guan him in everyway..lyk..i dunno..tats y i nv say anythin and guan him in anyway.cos i noe he hates tat when ppl guan him..it'll irritate him big tym and e relationship wud only end up worst den it is now..

i aint wan him to feel irritated by me..i aint wanna be selfish..i aint him to feel lyk its a burden havin me as his gf..i aint wan him to feel irritated and raise his voice at me..i aint wan him to have 'shit,ive gotta tok/meet wif sandra!!!damn!!!'tis kinda feelin..i realised he wudnt tell me everythin and wud keep tings which hee tinks tat i shudn noe just lyk e day he went drinkin wif his clique and bro..if we werent tokin e next few days about it aft tat nite,i wudnt even noe bout it.i mean,it seems lyk im tellin him everythin..tings seems to have changed..i aint wan tings to turn out lyk tat..

hmm..its been lyk tis for almost 3weeks now i suppose?since b4 george came?roughly 2weeks-ish..haix..tis 2 weeks-ish ive tried to make tings go back to normal..tried to tok to him as if nth happened..im sure i did try..but,everytym,somethin new wud come up and make a mess outta it!but i kept tryin..im kinda emotionally tired..so tired till i cudn take it on e train.i really dint expect tears to roll down just lyk tat...tried and tried and tried..

havin tings gng on lyk tis for almost a month which is when his bro,doesnt hafta book in for a month..hmm.i suppose if hes bro dint hafta book in anymore in future,im afraid tings wud be worst den it is now.wif his bro next to him,tellin him tings lyk tat often,is enuff to change his tinkins,i really dunno..hmm.now it makes me feel as if hes feelins are already gone,everythin done now,are just for e word responsibility?i dunno..i dont see tings which wud happen months ago happenin now anymore..all of it seems soo far away from me...

'not turnin back and doin smth.' tis cud really help to start off wif somethin..e first step..but when tings get out of hand,and keeps goin on,im afraid it'll be too late for anythin to be done..by e tym its found out,dere wudnt be any chances left to make amendments and only left wif regrets..or perhaps its a relieve for yew?i really dunno wad i can do anymore..i tried and tried and im really so tired....but i aint wan tings to just end lyk tat..im afraid i wont be able to make it thru tis if anythin goes wrong..i dunno wad im tinkin now,to be honest..i cant tink straight anymore...

14mar2011

2011-03-15T05:40:00.000+08:00

hmm.wanted to wait for lovell to wake up and cal me..but i fell aslp..so dint get to tok to him bout wad muumy told alan..hmm.den i woke up,i saw miss call and fb msgs=)felt really good at tat tym.but oso felt scared..im scared i get e answer i aint wan when i ask him bout it..anw,he went to interview..everythin okie..hopefully he gets e place..yupps.den he called me and i asked him lo..hmm..not really e answer i aint wan..he said he did go over but dint clean up properly..yupps...trusted him lo..yupps

anw,woke up at around 645 cos alan needa go sch..den he go pom pom den me and george wake up help him prepare,pack everythin..yupps.den he went off liao='(dden me and george go pom pom den prepare to leave le lo..we were early..had our breakfast.and george pissed me off.she damn attitude ask me stop usin fone and come down eat..den say i keep fb lovell..den i pissed off say its my life,y she fuckin care..den walked off.den came back down to have breakfast wif her..den went back up pack..den was early so sit on bed for half hr and fb lovell..den we went off..waited for bus for ages!!!!!yupps.in bus nv tok at all...

den reach e bus staion den went walk around den take cab go salisbury station..den took train back..was fb-in lovell all e way..den daddy called den say lovell ssay he dint come over to our place at all..den i was lyk,huh?i din noe wad to say.....

den,asked lovell again den he said e same ting..so,ya..den he was out wif bro at plaza sing watch rango..hmm.den fb fb fb..den he asked me y i so weird and stuffs.den i just said im tired..lyk really tired..hmm.i was really tired emotionally..i dint expect tat tears wud start rollin down!felt so paiseh!!=(den george saw..den asked me y..i just kept quiet..so she kept quiet too..yupps..hmm.i just tot,i was doin so much for nth...lyk..really nothin..yupps..i still love him as much as i do b4..but,i cant feel anythin from him..i dunno how to say..lyk,he went on wif e movies and i received nth from him and stuffs?den i tot,bout e same issue again.....e more i tot bout it,i cried even more...i dint noe y..but i felt really tired...yupps..tired of everythin...so i concentrated on my music instead..den okie le...hmm.den reach waterloo..den pretend nth happen.den joke wif george and all lo..den took tube to st pancras den take train back le lo..

took train back,came back to room put down tings den went to e mall walk walk..bought a pair of jeans for 6 pounds..same as george de..i wear same size as her sia!!!OMG!!!!hmm.den went walk in sports shop..george go buy her stuffs.yupps..den went to buy fish and chips and chicken come home eat..was fb-in lovell aft he finished his movie..hmm.he say i dowan him liao..yupps.hmm..its not..he said he learnt smth from e movie....den i told him,if he really learnt from e movie,he will regret wad his done and wud not be able to do amendments to it..when he realised it,its too late to make changes to it already..hmm.maybe at tat point of tym,i really felt tat..yupps...anw,ya..came home,eat den packed den went down for laundry....den fb lovell all e way..yupps..hmm now already 535,he still dowan to slp..feel so bad bout it..haix.den loaded ma la tian hou gong but reach laundry room dint work..so george stay dere..den i went back room to load..den while loadin,do my blog and fb lovell..

hmm.i really hope tings wud get beta..and,he said we shud give each other smth really sweet for our 1st yr anni..i will even if he dint say it..yupps..now gonna go back down for george b4 she kills me!!!!

12mar2011-13mar2011

2011-03-14T07:59:00.000+08:00

woke up at 5 to prepare to go find alan.cudnt wake george up till 545..den rushed..cooked meatball and all..den rushed out..just in tym for train..reached st pancras earlier den expected.den took tube to waterloo den took e train to salibury..den took cab to bus station den waited 1hr for bus..den took almost 1hr ++++bus ride..den waited for tutor to pick us up..den went to alans sch walk walk around and had lunch dere..

went to look at cows..den george scared e cows when she jumped!!...so stupid!!hmm.den tutor fetched us to his place..we went to tesco first..den bought alot of stuffs to cook for him..cooked for 2hrs ish when his tutor went bell ringin..den ate at 9ish when he came back..toked to lovell.he scare me..den,ya...i tot he really angry wif me..yupps.asked him to do smth,den he dowan..yupps..but toked to him den okie liao.yupps.

den eat until damn full..den kena bully by em..i wash e dishes='(den,came up...fb lovell.den he call me..den tok awhile he say he wan go slp le..den i oso fell aslp..dint wash my make up off.....hahah!!

hmm.woke up at 845 to wash off my make up and realised hun wasnt aslp when he said he was gng to...felt weird..but aft wash face,i went back to slp..hmm.woke up again at 10ish11 den go pom pom den eat breakfast..den suay suay needa wash again!!wtf!?urgh!!den came up prepare and all..george pissed me off..told lovell..den went to stonehenge..fb lovell quite abit b4 gng out..he said he went plaza sing den taka wif dad..den he said he went to my place feed didi meimei den went to teoheng..den,ya..den nv tok liao...until at stonehenge fb abit den no more..came back,he oso reach home liao.den he pei bro..den i wait for his reply..den when he was back in room,he checked his stuffs for tomolo..tomolo he got his interview ting..hmm.he say he back in room but he dint reply me..and,dint go to bed..den called me awhile ltr...den say he gng to bed liao.so kup fone.den fb him.den he fb me for quite sometym!he dint slp..hmmmm....ya..2nites in a row makes me tink....ya..den nvm...went to prezzo to eat..george pissed me even more b4 gng out!!yupps.

went to prezzo damn no mood.dint wanna tok at all and stuffs..yupps.ate mushroom risotto,not nice..yupps.den eat finish come home..

hmm.e sky is really clear!!cud see e moon and e stars sooo clearly!!yet,i felt damn lonely='(oh well..den alan told me smth mummy said..and makes me tink even more!!yupps.now i dunno wad to tink and which to believe...haix..wad mummy said,and e 2 nites where i found weird makes me tink even more..now i feel terrible..just lyk how i felt when i saw e moon and e stars..its pretty,but,hurtful...'wad are words if yew dont mean em when yew say em?'hmm.im gettin use to it..lyk really used to it really soon..makes me feel as if i shud be gettin use to it and shud feel lyk how i feel now,everyday..yupps..hmm.its nice havin george around..but i really wan to be on my own again..yupps.i dont hafta pretend lyk im pretendin now infront of her..its horrile havin to pretend='(
hmm.i really hope e answer is not e answer i wan when i ask...yupps..

11mar2011

2011-03-12T10:38:00.000+08:00

hmm.fell aslp aft put down skype wif hun..went to bed feellin very scared and havin tis bad feelin in my heart..i feel lyk smths on my heart..it felt really heavy and it hurts=(everythin seems to have changed..changed so differently..very='(tot bout his drivin ting..he is gonna do bike..but,i cant say anythin cos i noe he dont lyk ppl to stop him from doin wad he wans..so,yupps..den,bout him being pissed and everythin..oh well..i dunno wad to feel at tis tym..yupps

hmm.woke up at 1130.george woke me up cos she put her blanket on my bed and stuffs as well as her findin out bout japan!!!earthquake and tsunami!OMG!!!anw,den she make garlic bread and tok to her mom..tried to slp.but,cant..yupps..den lovell was slpin when i first woke up..so i continue slp..den when finally woke up at 1230,george was still on skype wif her mom..yupps.den wake up,go shower and all..den george wanna go to st albans.so we went to get e train tickets for tomolo to alans den went to look for bus stop and went to st albans by bus..totally waste tym only..urgh!

had to tahan georges nonsense and my minds only on wads been happenin tis few days..urgh!!sat in bus really quietly..dint really feel lyk tokin.but george had to keep tokin and tokin!my mind was all on him..i just feel damn shag..i noe george cud tell..she been tellin me not to be so shag since i dunno how many days ago..den today she see me so shag in bus,at least she kept quiet..thanks george,and sorrie..hmm,got dere,she bought clothes.yupps.hmm.den fb lovell for abit b4 i left home.he help bro go meet leon cos bro got jasmine den busy..yupps.

hmm.den lovell dont understand y he needa help bro meet but he feels bad so he went..hmm.he complains bout not gettin y he bro wans him to tag along and everythin..but,lovell makes it as if he wans to go..lyk doesn matter..so,yupps.dunno is just to lemme hear or he really meant he was sayin..but,yea..fb awhile,he nv reply le.so took bus to st albans.shop around an hr.den all shops close..den jiu came back le.by e tym i was waitin for bus,lovell already home le.so he watch his korean ting.yups.

den came back,skype him awhile,den he say he hungry den he ate seaweed chicken den still hungry..den i dunno wad he ate liao..den awhile more,my com hang..keep hangin..den he jiu fall aslp just lyk tat..lyk in a sec..so,dowan disturb him liao.den let him orh orh lo.den i go make pizza.den ya..did nth much..packed and eat and watched kangxi..den now,its 2ish le..i hafta wake up at 5 to get ready to go to alans!!OMG!!dunno if i wanna slp anot..cos i wanna tok to lovell='(

i miss him so much..lyk,i really wanna tell him how i feel bout everythin.but i noe once i tell him,everythin will change,just lyk wad happens aft i told him 2 tings tat nite='(i wan tings to be how it was..but,it seems lyk deres tis barrier btw us already..lyk..i dunno how to say..but,it does seem lyk deres just smth dere already='(haix..from every small little tings tats happened these few days makes me tink if everythin has changed and everythins done just for e responsibility..lyk,if its no longer done on ones will..lyk,yew noe wad i mean,anyone?i dont..haix..lyk,i hate to say tis but,lyk e feelings fadin away slowly and slowly..i hate tis.but,if tats wads happenin,i will respect wad he feels and wans..as long as he is happy,i will be...

11mar2011

2011-03-11T14:02:00.000+08:00

hmm..just ended skype wif lovell..i feel weird.very weird..haix.how i wish george is not here now..i just wanna sit in my room not doin anythin and cry my heart out..haix..be strong..ive gotta be strong..hmm..tings are gettin bad to worst now..i really hate it='(i wanna disappear..disappear into thin air where nobody can find me ever again..really do..haix..wad can i do?...perhaps its just comin to an end='(

11mar2011

2011-03-11T13:51:00.002+08:00

haix='(

11mar2011

2011-03-11T12:43:00.002+08:00

been raised voice at again..oh well..haix..nvm,nvm,smile sand,smile!!!!!

11mar2011

2011-03-11T12:12:00.002+08:00

hmm.lovell called me when he woke up b4 10!!i was shocked!he was at e stairs already..smokin.i expect him to be still in bed...ya.den he pei me tok den go pom pom den go feed didi meimei.yupps.tried to keep to wad i promised in my previous post..and i tink i kept to it..hmm.den he went out..den,he hungry so he kinda raised his voice at me..yupps.oh well..den tried to keep to wad i promise..but i tink somehow it dint work!!lousy me!must work harder!!!

okie.den he feed didi meimei den went parkway eat..on e way dere he say he hide tings from me den told me bout tat girl..val fren or wad de..den say he nv tell me anythin cos he felt tat its pointless to tell me bout it..yupps..den he tell me got a girl lyk him den they xchange numbers and stuffs den they texted each other and all.yupps.anw,ya.he now den tell me bout it..i forgot why he will tell me..toked bout a topic den he say lo..yupps.so,ya..hmm..kinda felt stupid though..lyk i tell him everythin tats happened but i believe him to tell me everythin so much,but he doesn?...oh wel..nvm..its fine..yupps.

den aft eat,go do his car ting..yupps..den now in bus..yupps.hmm.he wanna change to bike now.hmm.i dunno wad to say..he just said he dont lyk ppl to stop him just lyk his bro..so i beta shut up..yuppps..up to him lo..he promise to learn car instead of bike from e start..but i doubt he rmbs his promises anw...promises are not kept from e start liao..another one broken,its okie la..yupps..just keep smilin!!=)smile sandra,smile!!!!!

10mar2011

2011-03-11T09:11:00.000+08:00

lovell went teoheng wif mom bro and jasmine..family day..how nice?..anw,went to sch den realised uni fir alarm went off!!so me,gemma and simona stood outside smoke lo..yupps.den everyone were standin dere lyk retards!cant imagine we had to queue to get into uni la!....hmm.den went in com room den started on our wiki ting den went to library borrow books den went for e fuckin lecture..was playin wif my cookie dozer all e way.hehe=)den break tym,me,gemma and simona just left lo..anw oso took attendance liao.den damn sian so decided to leave lo.yupps.

came home,den fb lovell for a while,den he disappeared..den i went to pom pom lo..den come out jiu make garlic bread..den lovell jiu done highin wif bro..den skype me..at first okie okie..den he say i got wai yu,den i sian liao..anw,dint really tok at all.he say he dunno wad to say..say he got nth to say..so,yupps.den do e normal stuffs again..lyk its been relyin on tat lo..but,oh well..doesnt matter..hmm.den ate my garlic bread..toked bout george.as in e bit where george lied to zul bout e drinkin until drunk until cant rmb how we gt home and her bra was inside out..den lovell dared me to..so,ya..den i say he dare me to find other ppl to fuck me..den he was lyk nonono..but,ya..den i not dare him to go fuck other girls lo..yups.den say say say lyk bcome serious liao.he lyk raise voice le,so dont play le lo..

den he oso go play cookie dozer wif me..den ltr he angry liao cos i say i go find other ppl to fuck me cos he got me started..den he angry den went to slp..den yupps.den i continue my cookie dozer..den fell aslp for abit..den george came back..den cooked e left over soup for dinner.nv eat rice..ate soup and fish finger..den toked to alan..den watched kang xi..den i sit on e floor until my ass fuckin pain liao lo='(haix..

den george slp,now i gt nth to do again..so maybe will be playin cookie dozer all e way i suppose..sian..den tomolo dunno go where again..

hmm..will tings start changin?lovells bro been askin lovell bout our r/s..hmm.maybe lovell shud really start tinkin bout it..is it worth spendin so much tym on me when we dont noe e future?i feel bad..i aint wan him to be tis lonely and all..if he had another girl who is in spore,he wont be..he will be happily spendin his tym wif her..hmm..i dunno..tings doesn seem to get better..im scared..real scared..i haven been tokin to him for e past week..its been a week now..will i still be able to tok to him again lyk how we use to?tinkin back bout tat day,i was shocked tat was e kinda guy i noe..hmm..maybe it wasn him who changed but me who is bein ridiculous..i mean,i dunno..yupps..

i just feel lyk hidin in my room and doin nth now..just tinkin back all e tings we've been thru..from we gettin together,to tyms where he make me smile,to tyms where i break down for him,to tyms where i just stay awake for days just to tok to him,to tyms where i just did everythin for him,for tyms where i wan nth but him..everythin..tings tat hes told me,and i felt my heart break,everythin..i makes me tink tat,why has tings changed so much?wad have i done or not done?how shud i get tings back to where it was?shud i keep everythin inside and pretend nth happened so tat he'll be happy again?shud i just do tat?i tink i shud..i really aint wan anythin to change..

okie.im gonna be a new me..startin from now..i'll try my very best to show lovell tat i have forgotten everythin..cannot show him any unhappiness,sadness,disappointment and all..nth but happiness!!!startin from now!!!!=)im a happy girl!!!!!yes,sandra chang,yew are!!!!yew needa smile now,no matter wad!!!!!!!!smile!!!!!=)

10mar2011

2011-03-10T19:31:00.000+08:00

hmm.woke up at 9ish cos george wake up..lovell woke up at 3ish in spore..lucky i dint wait for himm.yupps.hmm.he went to feed didi mei mei..den hafta go home again cos bro and mom dunno..den go home den went teoheng again..yupps.feel so bad..make him so marfan...needa run here and run dere..haixnext tym dowan lyk tat le..

den,his bro brought jasmine go teoheng sing den wan lovell follow..den their mom oso follow lo..they went to eat laksa first.den i woke up at 11.george ready to go out liao.yupps.den,i still lai chuang..really cant be bothered to go to e fuckin class!!urgh!!hate it!!i suppose i mite just go for attendance den go off liao ba.yupps.

hmm.haven been tokin to lovell much for e past week..feels lyk everythins no longer e same already.. hmm.i noe wad he meant by it feels lyk i no longer wanna tok to him..hmm.but,if he doesnt tok to me,i cant keep wan tok to him,feels lyk im annoyin him or disturbin his life..he haven really told me wad he felt and everythin aft i said those selfish stupid stuffs..so,yupps..i hate tis..hmm..everythings changed i suppose..oh well,ive just got to stay on track and see wad follows next..yupps..

9mar2011

2011-03-10T09:16:00.000+08:00

woke up really late today..230..yupps.was shocked but was so tired..but really cant dont wake up cos needa go tesco buy food to make dinner for tonite cos so late den wake up den cant be bothered to go all e way to london ma..yups.

hmm..hun dunno today go where wif his clique..den apparently he went home den went out wif bro to geylang to eat..den went to fish hse.den he saw shootin stars.yupps..hmm.tats bout all tat i noe of..den pom pom finish,we went to e mall to get groceries.den went river island see if still got sale anot.but no more.so no more tat top of mine=(brought grocery den came home..hmm.lovell was on his way home when i was home..den he told me smth interestin..bout jasmine and bro..so yupps..wow..den,toked to mummy and daddy aft got home,den packed and started cookin.

lovell reach home when i was cookin.so dint get to tok to him again today..yupps.oh well..hmm..den he fell aslp..so,dint tok=(yupps.den cooked soup and rice..too much soup..den,eat,den tok to alan.den,packed..den awhile zul called.den george tok to zul,i play cookie dozer..den watched e japanese game show ting den lovell called.den my com hang den hafta kup him='(haix..ya..den planned wif george where she gng tomolo..den now im alone doin nth cos george slp liao..

hmm..now waitin for lovell to wake up ba..hmm..tinkin bout wad he told me tis mornin.hmm..ya..okie...i dint expected tat though..yupps.but nvm..maybe wont get to tok to lovell b4 i slp again ba..den tomolo oso.he oso gng out wif bro de la..den yupps..hmm..nvm=)he happy jiu hao=)

8mar2011

2011-03-09T23:23:00.000+08:00

hmm.went to st pancras,den george text me when i got on train tat she found e museum so she will e late..wtf???okie.reach oxford circus,den stood outside station wait for her..fb hun for abit den he nv reply liao.so played cookie doozer..den george came,den went shoppin..saw lots of nice clothes!!i really love e one i tried t river island!!OMG!!but too big='(haix..damn sad='(went to e other one oso dont have='(haix...

den kept refreshin my fone until kena geroge scold.i dint noe hun fell aslp liao.dint see e msg yew wrote bout him bein very tired..yups.hah!=)so keep refreshin and stuffs.by e tym i saw,it was dunno wad tym liao..hmm..den kept refreshin tinkin he'll wake up..but nv..hmm..just feels weird yew noe..he slp so early..yupps.den slp all e way till around 1ish 2 den wake up i tink..cant rmb..i noe wad i was tinkin at tat tym..yupps..

den went shoppin,den went eat at some burger place..had very salty hot dog..den milk shake.damn fuckin full la!!!....den came home,reach home around 9..den dilly dally abit..den guess wad?!!?!my flat mate lyk wan commit suicide lyk tat.lucky her other fb me..ask me dont let her go outta flat..next ting i noe was,she went out!!so,i got dresses,and chiong down follow her!!yupps.she saw me..den george stayed in to ask her fren to come over..den yupps..hmm.its pretty scary.i mean,even if we dont her out,she stay in her room,nobody noes if anythin happens in her room too..oh well.den both of em came back to her room together..den flat mate cried and stuffs..so,yupps.

den me and george juat keep quiet..den george say she hungry..so ate maggie..den hun wake up liao..i was so excited la!!lyk finally can tok to him..den show him my makeup=)den showed alan my maake up too..okie.den tok awhile,lovell lyk dowan tok to me lyk tat..den,okie lo..i keep quiet..den when everythin done,george in bed,me in bed,den i realised is not he mute me de..is i muted my own speakers..i dint even noe tat la!!!..den,oso dint get to tok much den he go feed didi meimei liao..den tok on e fone.den james called den he meetin em ltr..

den..he told me smth,den yupps.hmm..i dunno y but yea..heart was pierced for afew secs..yupps.hmm.den dunno wad to say liao.den he say i lyk dowan tok to him and not interested lyk tat..hmm..how can i be not interested?i was so hopin to tok to yew den lyk everythin was not gng as hoped..den,when james called,den miss call,i ask him call back,den he say dowan..den i say just call.den he say he wanna change..hmm..den i say i dowan cos i said those tings to him ytd so he is doin tis.den he got pissed.yupps.hmm.den i dunno wad to say liao..but nvm,aft awhile he oso called back..yupps.den he clean toilet and feed dog jiu go off liao.nv go down.den walked to duno where meet james and audrey.james cut hair..den,reach dere he jiu kup le lo..yupps.

hmm..i wan tings e way it was b4 i told him those selfish tinkins!!!i shudve nv mentioned it to him..lyk seriously,shudnt have at all!!!now,everythins lyk not normal already..lyk really!!!!hmm.i dunno wad to do now=(

9mar2011

2011-03-09T14:04:00.000+08:00

hmm.im fine im fine im fine!!xi guan jiu hao!!

hmm.dont exactly noe how im feelin now..yupps..hmm..deres too much a distance between bein excited and troubled..e jump is too big..dots..stupid..hmm..im confused,proper confused till i dunno anymore..i dint mean anythin.i really dint..hmm.im really not askin anythin..not at all..

hmm..external factors and internal factors usually affects somethins..its fine....hmm..ya.i oso dunno wad i sayin...hahahhahhaha!!=).....hahaha!!

8mar2011

2011-03-08T21:40:00.000+08:00

went to bed and woke up late today..woke up at 930..den chiong go school.lovell wasnt confirm if i start sch at 10 so nv wake me up.yupps.hmm..went sch...workshop damn sian.so left half way..den went mall wif gemma den eat greggs..sausage roll..cant finish.den waited for george..wait wait wait..she 1145 den come sia!!45mins late!!!!....

went for lecture..den download games.tok to lovell for abit..den started tinkin bout some stuffs..tink tink tink,den next ting i noe lecture end liao..ended lecture,george text me say she just reach arsenal..den,i come back slack abit den gng to oxford street to meet her..yupps.den lovell is watchin band slam wif his bro now..so i suppose..yupps..anw,slack awhile more,den i jiu needa go take train to st pancras liao..yupps...so,another day of walkin around aimlessly..sian....

8mar2011

2011-03-08T12:15:00.000+08:00

hun noes bout it liao..told him bout e bro and frens bit..left e rest of em out..hmm.i feel really bad for sayin those to him..really am..im sorrie..since ive told him bout e bro bit,ive decided to keep e rest to myself..if he noes too much,im sure he cant take it..

i aint wan him to change.i wan him to be how he is lyk now..ive told him these is not to make him feel bad or make him change for me..ive been gng thru tis very strongly for e past couple of months..yes i noe i told yew its only when im back here,i feel lyk tat..but,really?small tings add up to 1 issue..dere are many small tings which yew mite have dont unknowinly sometyms..but,its fine hun,im strong enuff.

dere are many many things which caused tis to happen..i felt neglected at tyms..but,im not gonna continue tokin bout e rest of e changes tat ive noticed bout him e past months..if i mention more of it,he will feel tat he is a fucked up guy and stuffs..so,maybe i shud just stick to just wad ive mentioned and nth else..,tings have started and will still continue to change even though ive told yew this..but,dere are still small daily actions which effects everythin..anw,no matter wad it is,i will be strong.. i will..i love yew hun.

7mar2011

2011-03-08T03:42:00.001+08:00

hmm.now i noe why hun asked me to listen to 'what are words'.i listened to it cos i was so bored den i rmbed lovell asked me to listen to tat song..so went to his fb page and listened to it..hmm.i dunno how say..a short and simple song,but it managed to actually point out really important bits in 'love'.when i listened to e lyrics word for word,i had tis feelin in my heart..lyk..i noe how it feels.i mean...lyk...i feel e pain of it..lyk..i dunno how say..lyk,it makes me tink bout ... and tis song is lyk singin somethin tat is positive,whereas i noe how it feels when its e opposite.tats why it makes me emotional when i listened to e lyrics..hmm.i dunno why tings have turned out lyk tat..but,yupps..i just hafta bare wif it,cos its too important to me.its my life..and i really cannot afford to lose everythin..i need him..

hmm.i listened to it again and again.den tears started rollin down..imagine,words dont mean a ting when said and words are said only for good tyms den its on..den wads e point of sayin it?if yew dont mean it,dont say it so ppl wont get hurt..and,words are not just for specific tyms..hmm.i have soo much feel for tis song..it just makes me drop tears..another song to add onto my list to listen to when im down..yupps..

7mar2011

2011-03-08T02:31:00.000+08:00

deres another scene,where lin da lang appeared on bao zhus bdae for e first tym in 3 yrs..tat was so touchin..tears fell again..hmm.wonder if its actually e drama effect or izzit cos i really do wanna cry..hmm..wadever..oh well..yupps.

hmm.lovells fallen aslp liao..den connection prob den kup le.it kup lyk less den 5mins aft he fell aslp

so,yupps.hmm..dint get to tok to him today..yupps.nvm.so,i watch my drama..yupps.hmm.tink tis week wont get to tok to lovell le ba..today nv too although i was in for e whole day alone wifout george..tomolo oso wont,i got class,den aft class gng out wif george,so wont tok get to tok too,cos he at nite sure high wif bro,den go to bed..wed too,i gng to london wif george,den when we come home,he high wif bro,den he orh orh too,so,doubt will tok.thurs,i got lesson too..den go out wif george..den he oso will be doin e same ting wif bro..fri,sat and sun he sure got his own plans wif bro for sure..so,doubt will tok le ba..tink wont tok to him till george go back le ba..yupps.hmm..

dunno wad to do for tonite and e rest of e week to be honest.haix..really no mood to do anythin at all..

7mar2011

2011-03-08T00:35:00.000+08:00

watchin hai pai dian xin..e scene where bao zhu met e crazy taxi driver and got into an accident..den xue hai was so agitated tinin tat bao zhu is dead..when xue hai found bao zhu,xue hai was so worried..hmm.for tat bit,i dunno why,but i felt very emotional..tears fell..and,i couldn stop..

hmm..it was somethin lyk,e button somewhere in me was hit and i cudnt control any longer..lyk,wad ppl say,e rubber band was being stretched to e max and cud no longer withstand anymore and it just snaps..oh well,it did..must be cos george was here and i had to hide all my emotions and cover em wif laughters and smiles..hmm.its pretty tiring to be honest..ha..

7mar2011

2011-03-07T22:28:00.000+08:00

went to bed not even rmberin how i went to bed..yupps.woke up at almost 12..yupps.george woke up at 9ish..den,she preapare go out and stuffs.so yupps.i continue slp..till mummy called at 11ish den tok to george den i woke up.

hmm.lucky george went out alone..hmm.i really wan to be alone for a day,or maybe a couple of hrs..ive got sooo much in my head..havin george around is fun,but,its just terrible when i hafta hide all my emotions behind e fake laughter and all.yupps.so,today for e net couple of hrs,ive got tym to myself to tink bout everythin tats happened..

lovell sent me a long fb msg..hmm.i trust him alot alot..so,yupps.but tats fine..yupps..i dunno wad to say oso..okie.woke up den toked to lovell on e fone..den he keep askin me e main point..yea..hmm.i dunno.yupps..den toked to him,den he say i not interested and distracted when i tok to him..den ask me go tok to george instead.but,i wasnt even tokin to george at all.yupps.den,he say his bro call him go smoke le..den okie lo.since his bro call him liao.den,okie lo.listen to wad he say lo..so i said okie lo,i go tok to george lo.yupps.den bye bye le..den george prepare go out,den i sit on bed day dream..yupps.

den when she is done,she went..den tidied room..den just watch drama ba..not gonna go to sch liao.yupps.just wan some tym quietly in my room now..yupps..

7mar2011

2011-03-07T13:21:00.001+08:00

ive realised severals points just 2hrs into 7mar2011..

-i was actually worried bout it.can yew believe it?i was actually worried.i mean,i aint noe wad to say..but,yea..ive nv expected smth lyk tat to occur at all..

-i noe i cant change it,so ive just gotta learn how to accept,let go and view tings from different perspective..

-i can no longer differentiate e truths from e lies,e real from e fake..
-tings will nv seem as simple as they are..

-somethings will nv last,when its gone,its gone..

-tym changes everythin..

hmm..new lessons learnt?i'd keep em in my mind from now on..i will..

6mar2011

2011-03-07T09:54:00.000+08:00

took train to st pancras..hmm.tot of tis brilliant idea..i log into george fb,den hun log into mine so we can chat..and so we did..he went out dinner wif dad..yupps.den nv go feed didi and meimei.yupps.told him to pass e keys to jenson so ask jenson look aft instead.hmm.he lyk busy oso..so,tot dint wanna bother him liao..but he dowan..yupps.anw,went out,den went to e markets..den kinda sian oso cos nth to walk de..but george very into it..so yupps.

den,travel here travel dere..den george hungry so she ate bk..den quickly eat jiu go catch train..but we missed our train..so waited for e next..lucky have one 15mins ltr..so stupid..den took train home.hmm.lovell went teoheng wif val they all again..hmm.nice.den count didi meimei lucky ba..cos lovells bro need go home do tings..so,lovell can go dere alone first den feed e dog liao den meet him at katong.but,if lovell bro went wif him leh?...i tink today didi meimei jiu no need eat le..oh well.yupps.he cannot let bro noe he helpin me look aft dogs..cannot let mom noe too.yupps.so,ya..

okie.he finish sing jiu go home liao.so early..surprisin rite?hmm.but oso got reason for not stayin out late.so yupps..anw,on train fone no batt.den rush home tok to lovell.he eatin.see him eatin jiu noe wad i tot was rite le.yupps.ya..and it was a bad one.yupps.so,ya..and its cos of ....ya...den tok to him abit den george die oso wanna go out walk.so went.bought mac come home eat..came home den tok to lovell.den he awhile jiu slp liao..so,went to make hot food.eat,slack..yuppps

den awhile ltr,lovell woke up..he slpt on 2hrs ish..den he say he auto wake up de..yupps.den he make his fb and listen music.den dint get to really tok to him oso.yupps.den he make me tell him e main points..but,i really dunno how to say?how can i actually shuo chu kou?....yupps.

while tokin to lovell,george play games on my ipod..so,i no needa entertain her..yupps.she awhile jiu slp liao..yupps.den tok to lovell abit den he down down..den,yupps.den he jiu hungry and down.so decided to go find didi meimei den go have some food..yupps.

hmm.i dunno if i shud say anot.if i say,i feel fuckin bad.i noe i shudn feel tis way bout it.but,i dunno why..yupps..i shudn doubt yew bout anythin..yupps.i wan tings to be lyk tat..just keep it as it is..i will try to get use to it and make sure everythin is fine even if it happens..yupps..

hmm..den lovell hang up,went pom pom den go find didi meimei and find food eat lo..yupps.hmm.i dunno why,just now so happy happy de..i tot today can happy happy tok to him..in e end,yupps.nvm la..at least is still tok to him..yupps...

6mar2011

2011-03-06T17:48:00.000+08:00

hmm.woke up at 8smth wif george hittin my leg again.damn her!!damn pissed off!i hate ppl doin tat..i mean wan call can,dont hit..im aslp..fuckin scare me.cb..ya.den woke up,kinda pissed.den head oso pain.haix.recently head pain so often.haix.

anw,she ask me plan e journey for today..hmm.we're gng to e markets.i mean,we're spendin quite a bit on transport just to go to e market..so i tot its kinda pointless.but she wanna go..so...yupps...haix..pig pig still slpin..didi and mei mei must be waitin in hunger..oh well,he slpt at 10ish tis mornin..

hmm..tinkin back bout tis mornin..he wanted me to say everythin clear to him..i really had e urge of tellin him e main prob.but,nopes,sandra chang,dont be a retard!yupps.but,thanks hun for givin me a chance to say out how i feel?...hmm.maybe if it happens again,i mite or still mite not tell yew anythin..yupps.i noe tat if it happens again,i'll still keep my mouth shut..yupps.haix..

now,hafta go pom pom den go out liao.so i doubt will be able to tok to lovell again le..cos he sure gng out again ltr ..yupps..

6mar2011

2011-03-06T10:43:00.000+08:00

i received a really long msg from hun on skype..when i saw so many words,i noe wad kinda msg it is..but i felt happy cos he sent me such a long msg..but,at e same tym,i noe wad he will be sayin..hmm.read it thru and got me a little emotional..lucky george was aslp already..

i read and really wanted to tell him how i felt..cos he got it all wrong..lyk totally wrong..and he is wantin to change for tings which ive nv minded..hmm.but i noe i cannot,shud not and must not tell him..i'd be a selfish bitch if i did..oh well,he called me over e fone cos i dint reply him..den we started tokin tings out.he say he wont go out play will stay home..but tats not a problem in e first place..den he say he wont go high in anyway..but,tats not e problem too..but he keep arguin sayin tat it is..he says when he is out,im down.hmm.of course im down..cos ive got nth to do.im fine wif yew gng out..down cos yew wont send me msges on fb lyk i do when im out..but these reasons are nt 'it'..is is just tat smth hafta happen b4 everythin...so,yupps.i very very much wanna tell yew..but i noe yew'll change back to e normal fat a couple of days ago just lyk was he says all e tym...

i made examples to make him understand and noe how i felt at tat point of tym when tat was happenin..lyk,imagine him stayin at home waiting for me everyday den i go out wif frens.but nv sends him msges bout wad i am doin..den,when im back,im all down and starts sayin im a fucked gf,i feel so bad,i must pei yew and all those,how will he feel..will he feel as if im happier when im wif my fren and when wif him,i got nth to tok about..he replies he will tat way too..so,tats wad i meant..im fine wif him gng out play whole day liao,come home den pei me tok tok bout today,den he tired jiu slp le..tat way,im very happy le..

we tried tokin bout it..but i still kept wad i really tot.i dont mind if tings turn out as it is now..i aint wana give up on yew.. hmm.i feel bad enuff already.

hmm..i kept quiet bout it cos i noe he'll change if i said it..although it wont be long,but i will still feel badly if yew were on e tv..so,yupps.hmm.i suppose im gonna keep tis secret till i dunno when..okie.den we started tokin bout his trip to e same pub again..den ya..got gay..den we tok bout my day too..hmm..ive decided im gonna hafta ren yi ren,and everythin will be fine as promised.i love yew hun..ive nv regret yew in my life..i love yew=)i wan yew to be happy as much as yew wan me to be too.muackx!!

5mar2011

2011-03-06T07:04:00.000+08:00

ate e left overs and still had some left overs..den eat finish jiu wash up,den jiu watchin japan game show wif george..

hmm.lovell went to meet james and val they all..apparently they went to e ytd tat thai girl pub dere again ba..so,yupps..den nvm le lo..he go meet em so he came home at around 5ish.den high wif bro..so,i noe we wont get to tok liao,so texted for awhile instead..den called him..den he lyk...hmm.ya.told him i was drinkin..but i wasnt..i wanted to joke wif him so we gt ting to tok about..but he was damn serious and i noe he not happy le.den lyk dowan tok to me le..so..yupps.hmm..oh well..2 days lyk tat liao..tink tings will get worst in e next couple of days..so,yupps..i din expect him to be lyk tat..i just tot tat maybe lyk tat,me and him can happy happy tok for today when i tell him im actually jokin bout it.but,its not wad i expected..so,haix.

den he headache so ask him to go to bed lo.den he oso lyk dowan tok to me,so,yups..hmm..ive got so much gng on my mind now..i feel..i dunno..wads happened??why is tis happenin now?haix..ive gotta keep everythin calm and everythin in me and try to hope nth happens..so..yupps...i really dunno wad i tinkin oso..i tink i already losin my fuckin mind liao la!!!

5mar2011

2011-03-06T02:45:00.000+08:00

hmm.toked to lovell aft he woke up..hmm..managed to slp for afew hrs today?to be honest,i cant rmb..i cant even rmb if i toked to lovell first den slp or slp wake up den toked to him..but oh well...hmm..he says tat ive got tings in my heart tat i haven say..den wan me say..but,will?okie..den drag drag drag..around 11 den george and i woke up..

used com,den toked to lovell when he go my place feed dog..hmm.i realised someting today..and was kinda..i dunno how to say..but i can definitely feel e difference already..yupps.tis is for e first tym i felt it really strongly bout it..i was confused..really confused..but,oh well..its fine..anw..den he go home den went out wif bro watch movie..den me and george went to e mall instead of london..cos we were abit late..yupps..lovell went to 85 eat wif bro and jasmine.den apparently ate alot and he is a ball..so..yupps..bought alot alot of stuffs today!!!dammit!!!

den came back in 3hrs..den decided to cook pasta for dinner.but i realised i still got my left over rice and chicken from last nite..and ive got another da bao.so can last me another 2days..hmm,,so used those money to buy stuffs instead of eat..yupps...now,gonna pack e messy room for abit den cook pasta for george...yupps.

5mar2011

2011-03-05T21:04:00.001+08:00

i suddenly realised no matter how good tings used to be in e start,over tym,it changes..i just hafta get over it and continue wif wad it is lyk now..but,sometyms,its really depressing to realised tat its changed over tym,or rather,disappointed in oneself when it does..life is so weird..lyk yew nv get to see wad yew shud see and wud nv listen to ppls advices from e start..but as tym passes,yew realised 'oh yea..ive been told tis b4,but chose to ignore it..'
at first everything seems fine,but as tym goes by,yew realised it change..but still decided yewre gonna keep onto it no matter how torturin it is for yew..as tym continues gng on,tings get alittle unexpected..tats when yew'll tink to urself..wads gng on?wad shud i have done or not done so tat tings wudn have turned out lyk tat..and tats when yew start blamin urself about everythin tats happened..yew wanna cherish it very much...but....

hmm.deres only 2 choices outta tis..first,simply just give up wad yew wan which yewve been workin for so hard.second,continue doin wad yewre doin,nv give up..yewve just gotta be stronger and tougher..im sure deres ppl out dere who wud choose e first one while some wud have tots of e doin e first but decided to stick to e second..but im sure to those who chose first,wud have been workin so hard for smth to happen which nv did b4 decidin theyre just gonna give up..

seriously,why does tings change over tym?why cant it be how it was lyk b4?or maybe tat just happens in fairytales and not e realistic world..yewve just gotta to learn to let go even if yew do not wan to when yew can no longer take it in ur heart anymore..

sayin all these now seems soo easy..but,when yewre actually gonna do it,its very difficult..but nv regret wad yewve decided..so tink it through wif a clear mind and nv do it on moments folly...it'll never be e same as it is b4....

5mar2011

2011-03-05T12:34:00.000+08:00

hmm..dere are somethins tat ppl shud be honest to others while somethins shud nv be said..once said,im afraid everythin changes..so,at least try to smile through everyday..hopefully tings wud be fine..

4mar2011

2011-03-05T10:35:00.000+08:00

i fell aslp at around spore 930am..den was suppose to wake lovell up..but,ya..was lyk half slp half try to keep my eyes open..by e tym i really opened my eyes was spore 10ish liao..den lovell woke up..den lai chuang until almost 11 den called dad tell him he gng over.so we kup fone lo.he went pom pom den went take cab liao..den i wait for him lo.den he called me..den tok to him while he was in cab=)

den he reach my hse,we nv kup,he just put me in his bag..didi mei mei bark damn loud la!!i almost went deaf!anw,lovell played wif em,den toked to dad and mom,den fed em i tink,den asked mummy bout e nose ting.but mummy cant find e name card..she gave him a wrong one instead..e one which needa kai dao de..yupps.den mummy ask him search online..so i doubt lovell will do it.yupps.den mummy daddy rush rush abit den left hse liao..den lovell brought dog down..den daddy mummy came awhile ltr..no cab..den lyk waited 10mins den got onto cab..den lovell go up put dogs jiu went parkway eat..toked to him all e way=)he ate mian fen guo..den eat and tok den he jiu go home liao.in bus,he say he wanna shit..so use game to distract himself..okie..den we oso tok tok tok.toked bout e stody kinda porn..he say maybe maybe not..den,finally reach his bus stop,rain..den he walk fast cos he wanna poo..den b4 e lift door close,he shouted i wanna shit!den got ppl outside e lift..haha!!den reach home he jiu rest toilet shit..na li zhi dao his belt stuck..suay..ahah!den he poo tat tym we oso tok..den he pom pom..den go back room.den we tok and tok and tok..i was curios if readin a passage works anot.den lovell tell me anime..den i was lyk,huh?den he gave me a website..den ask me go see.i went den show..den i was lyk,okie.....den toked bout our relationship..den ya..say bout promises and stuffs..den ya..den jiu sian sian liao..haix..den ya..den he naughty liao den jiu slp le..by den,her was already 730 le.so i tot can slp until 10 den wake up..and guess wad?just as im about to slp,george woke up..den ya..but she lemme slp when she shower and use com..but i cant fal aslp cos she typin..den she go pom pom,she make e water pipe sound just as i fell aslp..oh well..den she came back,den she say she go cook.so i continue slp..slp until 1030 den woke up when george mom called.she tok to her den i go pom pom..lovell was still orh orh-in..

shower damn noisily cos someone was showerin in e noisy one..den pom pom finish and prepare half way,lovell called and tok to him for awhile,he fell back aslp..so,yupps...prepare everythin den went out at 1230..got on e 1ish train..reach west minster church,den lovell fb me he out wif bro.yuups.den ya.den say he gng out drink wif val and e rest..den i was abit sian..val?i dunno..but wad to do..den when he told me he was home,wifout tellin me he is gng back out again,for tat moment,i was really happy..i was..but ya..den he say he met em liao.den tell me got thai girls dancin..den say he wont anyhow.den i say he can cos we toked bout it b4..den he say dowan cos needa pay em for it..hmm..oh well..yupps..den dint tok to him for e whole day aftwards..

hmm,i felt lyk i was walkin without my soul....hrs of walkin wifout stoppin..brought george site see..den i was tinkin bout him every single sec..dint have any mood at all.yupps.but,ya..

went on to chinatown,ate for e first tym in e day..and dint expect to eat only 2 mouths of rice and cudnt swallow any ting else down.i wanted to puke everythin out..so dint eat and da bao..yupps..den walk around abit jiu take train come back..today kept checkin my fone lyk retard for..hmm..i dunno??got on e last train den lovell finally sent me a msg say he was busy dancin and drinkin...yupps.den say he is on his way home..hmm..yupps.i dint noe wad to say so asked him to go slp aft pom pom..

got home,realised his fb was no longer valid..so cudnt get him..called him he dint answer..so,i supposed he slpt..den i receive a text from him sayin he is gng to bed already..den i called him on skype but no answer.but he called me back shortly..hmm..dunno why.but he seems angry wif me..i dunno why..yupps.so we dint tok at all den he slpt le.i sat on my bed tinkin..wad have i done?i dunno..george dint tok to me too cos i was all down..i kust sat quietly on e bed..i dunno wad for..but,yupps.i feel really terrible inside lyk..i dunno..i just dont anymore..i noe nth now..

george went to bed and im in bed slpless again...hmm..maybe im just tired..really tired...

3mar2011

2011-03-04T07:14:00.000+08:00

toked to lovell lyk finally..he sounded really terrible=(he must be feelin really uncomfortable..make my heart really pain to hear him lyk tat..haix..den he still puke...haix..hmm.toked to him,den went out to pick george!i found e place=)but cant find her..den yuan lai she was bhind me la..idiot!den stand dere smoke awhile den go to e mall wif luggage den come back home unpack abit den went to tesco to buy groceries..aft i kup fone wif lovell when i found george,he slpt..

hmm.den me and george went to mall walk walk den went tesco buy groceries..bought quite abit of food..yupps..bought pork,beef,veg,mushroom,egg,juice and pasta..buy liao jiu come home to cook lo..cook rice,veg wif beef,mushrooms and pork.pork was so hard and salty..haha!=)while cookin lovell woke up=)den tok to him on e fone for awhile den start cookin..den he sounded soo much beta den in e aftnoon!im really relieved=)hmm..den he oso hungry so cooked yi mian which was not nice apparently..so he threw em away!waste food!!!

den we finally start eatin liao..sat on e floor..den skyped lovell.so 3 of us sat on e floor together=)den eat and chat lo=)and lovell dont have his reward liao cos he fell aslp..i dont care!!hahhaha!=)den mummy called.dint mention anythin bout e checkup..yupps.lovell say he wanna go find em tomolo cos they gng hk..but i doubt he can even wake up lo.haha!=)eat finish liao,jiu went smoke,den lovell was not happy..hmm.had carling..den he oso not happy..sorrie hun..hmm.anw,den we washed up,den george went to pom pom.george go pom pom only,lovell naughty liao..haha!=)but today considered guai le=)den we sat down and tok bout wad happened today..yupps..hmm..i really dunno wad to say..i wont stop yew cos i noe i wan to too.but when i wan to tat tym,i oso dont lyk ppl to stop me..so i wont stop yew hun..as long as yewre safe=)

den tok tok tok.den george jiu come in liao.den jiu stopped tokin bout it..den started seein where we shud go tomolo..so,we've decided we're gng to london for sight seein=)yupps.den i do research,george fell aslp.den i feel bad to wake her up..so,let her slp.but she really fell deep into slp so no choice,i help her make her bed den woke her up den ask her go slp..she did and i have my bed back=)hehe=)den now waitin for 10oclock to reach,den decide if i wanna wake lovell lim up..i will cos i promised.but if i wake him and he nv wake up,den too bad...i did wad i promised=)

hmm..lookin at lovell slpin now,makes me tink bout wad happened today..hmm..im really happy tat he is safe and sound aslp now=)im not e kinda person tat will tell yew to do tis and do tat..just lyk.i noe in my heart i very much wanna try it..therefore i wont stop yew from doin it..do it and be safe..den,its fine..hmm..aft wad happened today,im very sure i cant live wifout lovell lim..i need him in my life..if anything were to happen to him,i dont tink i can continue my life anymore..i love yew hun!!pls dont let anythin happen to yew..i really cannot take it if somethin happens to yew!!pls bare tat in mind hun!i love yew..muuackx!=)

3mar2011

2011-03-03T23:44:00.000+08:00

went to lecture.borin and meaningless..den receieved a msg from lovell.and i cant stop worryin.really cudnt sit in class and wait..so i left half way durin break..i really dunno wad to do..smoked on my way home..and almost lost my life..i dint noe wad was gng on around me..really dunno..i just noe i wanna get back and see if lovell is alright..i really needed to noe if he is alrite.home,toked to him.and his not okie.so not okie..dont sorrie me hun..as long as yewre safe,its fine!really...i love yew hun.i really do..

3mar2011

2011-03-03T19:57:00.000+08:00

hmm.lovell bro came home liao..So kup lo.so he can pei him..den i jiu sit on bed fa dai lo..yupps.den,he skyped me when he was in toilet pom pom..den,tok to him awhile,he went back room..den he was pissed wif mom.cos she niam him..i tink his mom too worried bout him not workin le ba..tats why..hmm.den tok to him awhile in his room,he send his resume,den his bro ask for him liao..so kup lo..yupps.den dunno he ltr gng out anot oso..so,doubt will tok to him liao ba..yupps..anw,now waitin for george..cannt get thru e fone yet..apparently her flight not landed yet..so yupps.den tellin her mom bout it.yupps.

okie..another to pass lyk tat..hmm.today seems depressin..dunno why..but,nvm..ltr got george,shud be okie ba..yupps..

3mar2011

2011-03-03T16:56:00.000+08:00

okie awhile ltr lovell jiu wake up liao..den he skype me..den do wad i noe wad he wanted to..den,i receive an email from daddy..mummy went check up today..and found a small lump at her thyroid..daddy say cannot use needle to poke it cos its too near e blood vessels liao..so hafta moniter e growth of it..for now,cannot do anythin..mummy called lovell a couple of minutes ago..den tell him bout tomolo..look aft dogs and his work stuffs..hmm..asked lovell if she sounded fine,he say ya..but i cant really take into account wad he say..so,ya.daddy say mummy very worried and cried...yupps..

3mar2011

2011-03-03T15:14:00.000+08:00

hmm.went to bed b4 4..but woke up at 6..hmm..dunno why..but feel awake liao..hmm.lyk very scared..dunno scared wad oso..tink is scared george dunno how take e coach here.take until here,i scared i in lesson!den,i dunno where to pick her up from lo..OMG...damn gan chiong de lo..

2mar2011

2011-03-03T10:35:00.002+08:00

yay!!!i found my ring liao!!dropped it in e cupboard when i was tryin to take e maggie mee out!=)hehe=)

2mar2011

2011-03-03T10:28:00.000+08:00

lovell came home really early today!!!he came home at around 12ish!!can yew believe it?!?!?!=)hmm.he say i look sad sad..hmm..maybe cos tired den reaction kinda slow today..so dint slp..only slpt for hrs den george called me for lyk 2 mins to tell me she ltr b4 leave hse will call me!den i was lyk wtf la!!den kup liao den i cant fall back aslp liao..den dunno wad to do oso..jiu look at fb..lovell nv fb me..den finally he did,he say he'll tell me smth.and i noe its not gonna be good..hmm.oh well..just lyk i expected...

okie.den i sian sian awhile..den finally started tokin liao..got e kinda shocked news..den tok abit..den someone naughty,den we tok tok tok tok tok.argues bout e bit where i ask him go find other girls pei him..but he dowan..den tok tok tok tok bout it too.den toked bout yc..den we toked bout how he ask me be his gf,den toked bout 19april,and e day he gave me e ring..den we toked for damn long!!!lyk damn long!!!!!!!!toked until he go wake his bro up lo!!!!!!7am leh!!!!den i feel so bad make him stay up pei me..he go wake bro up den pei bro smoke so kup me for awhile..den i went to vacumm floor and wash laundry..awhile he jiu call me liao..den i make him slp lo..den i go pom pom.tat stupid fella pretend snore lo!!!i noe him well enuff to noe tat he was pretendin!!haha!=)but i still went to pom pom.come back i was tinkin lovel sure nv slp de lo!!!and,true enuff!!!he really nv slp!!!haha!=)thanks hun!!!!!=)

dry liao hair,den tok to lovell.he play monopoly.den i can see he damn tired liao.den forcin himself to stay awake lo!sorrie hun..den he say he wanna slp e same tym as me..den i say he cannot..den he make me say smth tat i'll give him..den he'll stay awake just for it..i said sooo many..den he all dowan....but eventually,he came up wif one liao..so,,yupps.a difficult one!!needa do research liao!haha!=)but im sure i can do it=)hehehe=)

den say finish den he fell aslp in lyk 10secs?haha!=)see he so tired!still wan force himself stay awake!finally he can orh orh liao..he must be real tired..haix..thanks hun..aft he slp,skype hang again!=(so i cant see him again liao=(haix..den,i jiu go cook maggie eat lo..today haven had anythin except 4 of e almond cookies..just finished eatin maggie..den gonna start on my research now=)hehe!

i was kinda down tis mornin..i meant..i started tinkin bout tings really horrible which shud never ever cross my mind at all!well,wanted find ppl pei me tok..but i really dunno who i can tok to lo..so,watched drama awhile den lovell jiu call liao..den when he told me e news he wanted to tell me,i was lyk,'okie....'i dint noe wad to say at tat tym..all i noe was,i wanna do wad he did too!!!i meant lyk really really wanna do it too!!hmm.i dunno why,but i just wan to..aft tat bit,we toked bout e findin of another girl for him,den i got back my normal reaction!den started debate.hmm.i really dont mind if he finds another girl everyday to pei him..when i say pei means..yupps..i dont mind..really..maybe deres smth dere in my heart..but i will get use to it.and i wanna get use to it..den toked to him about how to 'fish'..haha!=)so,he hafta do it liao..and e next tym round,he needa 'pop' e 'fish' and 'poke' her=)i tink only lovell understand i tat is ba=)ahah!den we toked bout hot and innocent girls.lovell actually say dont care,just 'poke' her lo!haha!=)

den we toked bout e 19th april and e day he gave me e ring,we toked for damn long..and really toked bout it..hmm.i today den noe lovell dint noe it was my first tym lo!!den toked bout tat day e feelins and everythin!hmm.i dint regret and will not..i love him.i really do..hmm..today im really happy.i meant i am really really happy enuff liao..i noe lovell wanna make up for all e tym he dint pei me b4..but i am really happy enuff today liao.hmm.today so happy,im just afraid i mite be more greedy..tis way,i cant get use to him leavin me all e tym for his bro..i really wan to get use to it..i dowan him to feel bad and do tis for me..anw,thanks hun!!thanks for tryin to make me happy=)im really happy i get to tok to yew for sooooo long!!!its been ages since we proper toked for so long..i tink e last tym we really tok was lyk when we first started being together..so thanks hun for today!=)i love yew!!!!muuuackx!!=)

and,im sooooo damn dead!!!i lost our ring!!!i dunno where it is!!!!!!i ws cookin maggie den realised its not on my finger!!!!how?!?!?!shit!!please lemme find yew!!pls!!!!!aft find liao den go do my research=)i wan it to be good=)hehe=)

2mar2011

2011-03-02T22:58:00.000+08:00

hmm.lyk expected,he dint fb me..or rather nv reply me..hmm.tis is wad i meant..when he says smth,i listen..but i noe very well in my heart tat he is not gonna do it..but ltr in tym,when he really dint do it,i get a little..hmmm.....wad was i expectin when i already knew for e fact tat i wont get a ting?hmm..i hate myself for bein lyk tis..i really do..SANDRA CHANG,I HATE YEW!!!

2mar2011

2011-03-02T19:44:00.001+08:00

he called me back but hang liao..i noe he wanna go pei bro liao.so keep ask me to go slp..so told him no needa pei me le..its fine..he say will fb me..but i doubt he will anw..so,yupps..hmm.its been months already..i tot i wud and shud get use to it already by now..although i expected him to go,but,even until today,when he really goes,my heart will twitch..hmm.dont really noe how to describe it...but my heart feels weird..lyk..i dunno..nvm..hmm..i suppose i just need many more tyms inorder to get use to it ba..i noe i will eventually do..

2mar2011

2011-03-02T19:34:00.000+08:00

called george to ask her bout e coach ting,den ya.den tok to her finish,lovell disappeared.so i suppose his bro is back le ba..so i kup skype lo..hmm..dowan him to say bye to me instead..so kup lo..yupps..

2mar2011

2011-03-02T18:43:00.000+08:00

nonono..lovell called me=)

2mar2011

2011-03-02T18:38:00.000+08:00

dint slp aft i woke up just now..hmm.lovell called me at spore10ish..den he fell aslp.den i not wait for hm lo..den he woke up at 3ish den called sch and all tt..den sent in his resume to calton,roxy and intercontinental..b4 he woke up i was aslp liao.fell aslp while watchin drama..den he woke up call and everythin den i wait for him lo..den he find e email den damn dulan cos he cant find it.damn scared of him lo..very slpy until headache oso let him shout until i awake liao..so nv slp le lo..

den today finally get to lyk proper tok to him for awhile,since i dunno when liao!!=)toked bout theme parks and e 'head spinnin' bit which i lyk=)haha!!!=)hmm.den awhile he jiu naughty liao..den he go pom pom den mummy came home wif dinner for him.den he jiu go eat dinner liao..now i oso cant slp le..hmm.he now waitin bro come home den tonight he is gng to go clubbin wif his bro again..so,ya..pei him for awhile more den his bro jiuwill come back le.den he will go pei his bro le.. hmm.he pei bro tat tym den i go slp lo..or maybe not ba..vacuum floor,wash laundry liao den slp ba..dunno..hmm..by e tym lovell come back from club and away from bro,i shud be in bed liao ba if i dont slp soon...hmm.or maybe i shant slp ba..will see how..just hafta tahan..

den george reachin tomolo=)toked to mummy tis mornin again.ask em pass george more stuffs..my sour plum,a zara black skirt which i can wear wif my corset for e nite outs and i oso cant rmb wad liao..yupps.den now hafta wait for george's fone call.she say will call me.so more no needa slp le..yupps..anw,if i dont get to tok to lovell today liao,its fine le=)he toked to me,lyk really chit chat wif me just now liao=)very very happy le=)must noe how to zhi zhu=)thanks hun=)

hmm..lovell say will call me ltr which i dont tink so,cos his bro oso will be back liao...so for now,i tink i shud watch drama or listen music to keep myself awake ba=)

2mar2011

2011-03-02T11:32:00.000+08:00

i fell aslp while watchin my drama.hehe=)den hun called me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!yay!!!!=)but he call me first tym,i nv answer..dunno how come he will call me e second tym though=)hehe=)lucky he call me e second tym!!!=)den he oso tired.den he wanna slp.den i not continue slp too lo..den somebody damn naughty den ltr he fell aslp..den now,i damn hungry lo=(haix..now in my mind is maggie mee lo!!!dunno wanna eat anot lo..haix..but fat fat sia!!haix.but really damn hungry lo..how?

1mar2011

2011-03-02T08:41:00.000+08:00

toked to mummy=)she skyped me wif her iphone4..toked pretty long..they went to pass george e stuffs=)yupps.toked bout my frens.as in spore frens cos she ask me who i tokin to.den i say she dunno de.den she die die oso wan noe.so told her ambrose,den she was lyk how come i dunno him..den start askin me who are those ppl tat came to our hse and stuffs!haha!=)den toked bout lovell too!mummy seems to lyk accept him liao leh..dunno really anot.but very happy when i saw her expression when she was tokin bout lovell.she was worried bout his arm,job,nose and all those..yupps.hopefully mummy is reall accept him le ba=)

hmm.tok to mummy for quite awhile den lovell skype me le=)den told him bout wad mummy said and my tinkins of mummy acceptin him..yupps.hmm.den i was chattin wif ambrose for quite awhile on fb ma.toked bout e past and everythin.haha!=)memories!!!!anw,i type slow slow dowan lovell noe.but he still did.den lovell tot i tokin to mel again!den say i got wai yu again lo.haix..oh well..nvm...den tok tok tok den he say he tomolo gng clubbin again..wif bro..den i rmb yuting just now durin lunch ask me go club wif em tomolo or on thurs.not confirm yet..den i told lovell lo.den he tot i jokin.den when i say really,he lyk not very happy.so im not gng le lo..stay home and watch my drama ba..

hmm.den lovell hungry jiu eat pasta..he eat alot lo!!i see lyk alot lo!den he damn fast jiu finish eatin liao!monster!!!=)den i keep listenin to tis song i suddenly love alot!!!!!''tong ye bu shuo chu kou de wo' by yang pei an=)hehe..okie,den he went back room,den tok den he naughty awhile den he watch his drama..den he started gng on bout our future home..lyk really in details!!i mean details details..hun,not tat i dont lyk..but,i dowan tink so far and i jue de no point tinkin so far now..sorrie..but e way he said it,he was really waitin for tat day to come den make our hse into e hse he described to me=)he was very cute!!!=)hehe=)den aft tat,he listen song,den jiu slp slp le.but he took quite some tym to slp lo..keep dowan to close his eyes!naughty lo!but awhile he jiu fall aslp liao=)he slp awhile,den my com fuckin hang again=(so kup him liao='(sorrie...

hmm.den i was so down for tat moment cos i suddenly felt tat im fat!!!i noe lovell read tis,den he'll go crazy..but,its just tat period of tym,i suddenly feel damn fuckin fat..i wanted to pinch all my fats away!i wanna look skinny and pretty=(i wanna lose weight to look pretty!!!!!haix..oh well,it was tat moment kinda ting..now im fine and lyin in bed already!hahah!=)

ive cleaned up my room for now,tidied allllll my drawers and cupboard..everythin=)yipee=)left wif laundry and floor to vacuum jiu everythin okie liao=)yupps=)

hmm.tomolo lovell gng down to angelo to try and sort out his attachment ting..he is gonna call em and ask bout it.but if still no xiao xi,he is callin principal,den wanna ask him if he can ownself find another one cos he dowan split shift..yupps.so,lets say he tomolo around 2ish3 leave hse,i wudnt be awake yet..so,cant tok to him b4 he goes out..den,by e tym he gets home,his bro is home too le..den he pei bro,den dinner and everythin den pei bro den he gng clubbin wif bro..come home,den pei bro awhile again ba..so i suppose tomolo i'll only tok to him aft he comes home from clubbin den..hmm.hes startin work soon,anytym,its nice for him to go out and enjoy himself now=)hun,just go out and enjoy urself,k?dont hafta worry bout me and dont feel bad!cos yew feelin bad doesnt make any difference!so mite as well just enjoy urself=)muuackx!i love yew hun...

1mar2011

2011-03-01T23:08:00.000+08:00

slpt at spore 1ish..waited for lovell to wake up.but he nv wake up..den 2ush he wake up den skype kup liao.den he nv call me.den i keep wakin up to look at my fb and skype.den he nv miss call or fb me..den i finally woke up at uk 820.lovell forgot to wake me up la!!!lyk normal..haha!=)den finally he skype me=)hmm.he say he forgot tat i gotta go to sch lo..idiot!

den we tok abit..hmm.he high..den have his own concert..oh ya.he called e angelo liao..they say chef not in..tink they forgot to tell chef ba..haha!so,dunno when den will start work liao.tomolo he shud be can go interview le ba..haha!=)okie la.den he high,den i prepare to make up and go sch lo.den dunno y lovell lyk damn quiet...so,ya..den prepare....den go school liao lo.tok to him on e fone instead cos my com fuckin hang!dammit!!toked to him while walkin to sch..reach school on tym..den workshop was fuckin borin liao lo!damn sian!lovell had his mini concert den forgot bout me.den he watch galivers travel den fell aslp..so nv reply again.den i damn sian jiu read news lo....den,went for an hrs lecture..more sian..by den lovell wake up liao.den he pei me fb liao lo.happy happy!=)hehe=)den asked him which games to download=)den download download...den end lecture liao..

gemma,simona,ryan,lukas,kelsey,winnie,neha they all went to catch e movie 'no strings attached'.i oso wanted to watch..but i wanna watch wif lovell.so lie to em say i watch liao.so they went wifout me lo...okie.lecture ended,left together,den simona and kelsey went to tesco and subway get food.den gemma go add more money for parkin..so i walk e same way wif her.den smoke lo.den she was lyk so shocked.she noe i smoke.but nv see my smoke b4 den feel bad cos she nv offer me smoke when she smoke.hahah!=)oh well,we walked till e round about den she walk her way,i walk mine..damn cold today la.so dint buy food..came home den bump into yuting..den she cookin.so she say cook for me too lo=)so had noodles wif her..yum yum..nice!!den damn full!i had i tink 2-3 portions la!!!OMG!!

eat finish,come back room dunno wad to do again..maybe shud clean up my room ba..since george comin on thurs liao...hmm.now lovell fb me too.he in his bros room havin another mini concert..hahah!=)hmm..i realise another ting..sometyms we tok more when we fb and on e fone den when we skype lo..skype tat tym,he will watch his video if not den he naughty naughty den nv tok liao..den he jiu slp le.fb and fone,at least we still got tings to tok...weird huh??hhaa!=)

hmm.daddy mummy gng find george pass her e stuffs..mummy everytym call wrong tymin de lo!she called when i was in lecture.den i answer den damn loud!!!!!dunno y today class damn quiet..den,kelsey sat 2 rows infront of me can hear..den started laughin.den gemme sit infront of me,den turn behind,den ask me 'shut e fuck up'den shhhh me damn loud.den alot ppl turn and look at me..damn paiseh la!!mummy was buyin my maggie mee for me=)hehe=)thanks mummy daddy!=)today tues liao..another 2 days george will be here le..im excited as well as not excited..i will be more excited if it was lovell..but,another month..another month i can feel lovell le=)can de..everythin will be fine=)muuackx!!!

1mar2011

2011-03-01T09:28:00.000+08:00

im watchin kang xi now..lovell is slpin..kangxi is showin tokin bout e marriage!deres 2 couples gettin married in mar..nice..make me miss lovell so damn much=(seein him slp makes me miss him alot..haix=(hun damn cute!!he just now open eye look at his mom den just just gong gong de stare at her..i bet he dunno wad his mom was sayin to him lo!haha!=)den stare stare den he went back to slp liao=)hehe=)den another one was dunno is his mom move table or he ownself kick until table,den he open eye,blink blink blink den blurr blurr de..den went back to slp..damn cute la!!haha!=)

i miss him so much!to be honest,i dint expect tis r/s to last tis long lo.i tot feelins will fade but tis feelin nv fades and its been increasin!!!!!!!i love yew hun!i love yew =)muuuackx!!!=)

28feb2011

2011-03-01T06:51:00.000+08:00

lovell came home and skype me!!=)happy happy!den skype awhile mummy called.so i pretend i outside,on my way back from school..den i toked on e fone wif her standin by e window..hehe!=)so cold la!!freezin!den i tink i saw a naked black guy at e opp kitchen lo!!opps!!not sure if really naked anot though..yupps.hehe=)tok finish wif mummy over e fone she say tok on skype..so,kup e fone le,come back to skype,see hun not dere,den i tot he must have pei bro to high again lo..den ya..den awhile ltr,he came back lo!!den i so happy his dere!!hahahah!=)

den pei him tok awhile,den mummy skype me again..den tok to mummy lo..tok to her 20mins..den by e tym i come back to lovell.he was gone..about to go get a drink..den he see me come back,den he nv go take drink..sorrie..den pei him tok tok tok..den he watch his video..den he wanted watch galivers travel(cant spell),den watch awhile jiu nv watch cos i cant hear clearly..den nv watch lo.den he naughty liao..den ya..den he make me wear tis wear tat show him!idiot!!hah!=)den awhile ltr,my com hang..den he go smoke..den come back tok tok tok.den somebody naughty again lo.haha!=)so ya...

hmm.den settle down tok.den tok awhile he orh orh liao.den he made a slp b4 he slp.den he asked me a question..who i wanna kill,fuck and marry...he say is mel ask him e other tym when he was high at playground wif james and yingchuan.he say kill yl,fuck yc and marry ali..hmm.i dint expect him to wan to fuck yc..hmm.cos she is a virgin so he wanna fuck her..hmm.den i kinda shocked when i heard it..i expected him to wan kill yc..hmm.somemore yc was dere when lovell says he wanna fuck her..if im her,and lovell say he wanna fuck me,i mite have feels for him again..i mean..i dunno leh..if i break up wif lovell,and he says tat infront of ppl,i tink i mite really when him to...yupps..

another ting he toked bout was to take him as my husband now..he wan me to tell him everythin in my heart..but dere are somethings which cannot be said..i just hafta keep it in heart=)hmm.and,he wans me to control him..but im not a person tat wans to control my bf..cos,i wan him to be happy..i wan him to feel as though as he is single and enjoyin his life=)i wan him to be lyk how he was a year ago=)gng out to play wif bros,frens,drink,slpovers,high..everythin...i dont wan him to be limited to just me=)another ting was,he wans me to fight for him if dere was a third party out to ruin tis r/s..but im not tis kinda girl..hmm.to be honest,if deres a third party,it wud mean tat lovells accepted tat girl already..which also means tat he no longer loves me and no longer belongs to me already..so deres seriously no point to fight for him as his heart is wif somebody else already..i noe tats not somethin tat i wanna hear.but tats e truth...i'll still be dere for him if he needs me..even if he just wanted a nite ting,i suppose i wud say yes to him..silly me eh???=)

well,den he tok to me again,den he typed me tis long msg on fb wantin to make me smile cos he say i not happy..i not not happy la.just tinkin bout e fuckin yc ting...well,he sent me e msg tellin me bout his very paiseh tings..i wont say it on here..but thanks hun for makin me smile!=)thanks alot!today i very happy=)he fb me for a period for longer den an hr until he came home=)very happy=)

i have so many tings in my heart but i dunno wad they are already..is lyk it was dere when it happened,but,when lovell is dere to tok to me ltr on in e nite,i forget everythin tat happened earlier in e day!=)so it is alrite liao=)hehe=)muuuackx!!i love yew hun!thanks hun for everythin!!muuuackx!!!=)happy 11th month hun!!!!!another 1 month,its gonna be a year liao!!!tym passes pretty quickly when i tink back=)but at e actual tym,it passes really slowly though..i wud say me and lovell passed tym together thru thick and thin..thanks hun!i love yew!=)

28feb2011

2011-03-01T01:23:00.000+08:00

okie.dint go sch.....stayed in room,cooked soup wif my pasta=)hehe!yum yum=)damn nice.hehe=)and,im so happy!!!!!!!!lovell pei me fb for more den an hr liao leh!!!!!!!!!!!so good rite???pei me fb 1hr plus leh!!!!!!!=)happy happy!!we toked bout his work stuffs and bout him lookin aft didi meimei..yupps.hes new work place is split shift..den he still needa look aft dog dog.haix..he sure damn tired de lo.

hmm.hopefully he can tahan another 6month lyk tat lo..haix..but wadever,im so happy now!!he pei me fb for already an hr plus!!!yippee!!=)ltr he go home,he sure high wif bro..but now,he pei me fb already for e past hr!hehe=)so,its fine liao=)hehe=)

28feb2011

2011-02-28T22:52:00.000+08:00

woke up at afew tyms and went back to slp..lovell called me back when skype kup=)dint really tok to him..i rmb liao.woke up at around 9ish ba?den was tinkin y lovell was still dere..he shud be out wif bro liao wad cos it was already 551..den wait for him here and dere den he jiu went out wif bro liao..

i had a weird dream..i dreamt bout pigs!lyk proper pigsllden i dreamt tat i was at my hse downstairs waitin for alan naked!!..damn stupid dream..den i had loads of other dreams which i cant rmb..oh well..but not good to have dreams..it feels lyk i haven slpt at all..haix='(

lovell said tat im very angry these few days..am i??i dunno..hmm..i tink i needa control my temper already den...dowan him to feel tat i very fierce and all..den he oso say i very sad today..hmm.did i have tat sad face again??haix..needa control emotions beta now..if not lovell will say bout it..dowan him down or feel bad..so,beta control well..

daddy called..told me he called lovell..and said lovell found a job..and my first reaction was,'huh?!?found a job?!really meh?!'cos i was still aslp.den i realised lovell must have lied..so i said 'oh ya'.haha!hmm.daddy mummt gng back hk again on e 4th cos yeye bdae den need lovell help to look aft e dogs again..sorrie hun..yew startin work liao.den still need yew to run to my place to look aft e dogs..den hafta work den nite tym pei bro..haix..yew sure damn tired de..sorrie and thanks hun..

hun dint fb me when he went out so i kinda slpt for e whole aftnoon..den he stupid..cos go bro fren hse high den nv eat dinner.lucky he at least had 2 baos b4 gng out..den he had mua chi and my fav chicken ting!so he kinda had 2 of e tings i wanna eat in a day la!!damn him!now his on his way home..but i suppose he will high wif bro one more tym..so,i tink i just lay in bed and wait ba=)

hmm.and i suppose im not gonna go to sch liao.i really cant be bothered.tomolo den go la..hahah!!=)

28feb2011

2011-02-28T09:38:00.000+08:00

today my room dunno why damn cold lo..sian!!i hide under blanket,oso feel lyk i in freezer sia!!!!hmm.tink im gonna slp early tonight..so,can tok to lovell ltr when he wake up=)hmm..he ltr hafta go interview for his new job..hopefully everythin goes well lo..haix.makes me feel bad..he shud be endin attachment soon de lo..but,cos of me,he here stop dere stop liao lo..hmm.tis is his 3rd job liao lo..hopefully it goes well den he can end attachment soon...hm.now he hafta go to work soon everyday he will be damn tired liao..but his bro will be home for another 3 weeks..which oso means everyday he will high wif him..work liao den high he sure cannot take it de lo..haix..but its up to him though..i will support him no matter wad jiu dui le!!muuackx!!i love yew hun!!!

happy 11th month!!!

2011-02-28T09:30:00.000+08:00

hun,happy 11th month!!!although deres no 30th tis month,but plus minus e days from other months so other months only 30 days,it shud be 11months since we got together already!!hehe=)muuackx!!thanks hun for tolerating me and acceptin who i am for e past 11months!!

im sorrie tat i cant pei yew for tis 11th month..im sorrie i cant pei yew for e 1 yr anni..sorrie..i come back will b everythin back to yew de,i promise..okie??i love yew hun!!!!muuuuuuaaacccckkkxx!!!!

27feb2011

2011-02-28T07:40:00.000+08:00

lovell went out to eat at i dunno where wif bro's grp of frens.so good..haix..den,he fb me a few tyms den nv liao aft he got home den high wif bro..oh well,i wasn expectin him to but yew noe,dere is still tis tiny bit where i tot he wud...i dint reply yew much stuffs cos i dont wan him to feel lyk i was disturbin him..anw,as i was about to go pom pom he called me.but he lemme go pom pom first..so,yea...

pom pom finish den tok to him lo..hmm.den somehow,he and i lyk nv tok for abit cos he not happy wif me and i cant rmb wad for..haha!so yea..continue nv tok until i finish eatin my risotto lo.he keeps tinkin i angry wif him and stuffs.but i really nv lo..den we started tokin den we watchin video..watch funny advertisements and watched e accidents and all tat.damn funny lo.haha!=)yupps.watched tat valentine present tingy lo..damn disgustin la!eww..hmm.now tink back,me and him tok very little now liao lo.haix.lyk every nite aft he slp,tink back,we lyk nv tok at all lo only did..........yupps.but nvm la.he happy jiu can liao=)

hmm.lovell feels tat he nv spend enuff tym wif me den he go to bed i will feel lyk no an quan gan..actually he got it wrong..hmm.i dont have an quan gan when i tok to him when i wake up or when he is back.cos when i wake up,his bro is back,or its usually e tym where he can meet frens.so,when i wake up,den i ask him to slp again instead of tokin to me cos,i noe when we slp and i wake up,he will not be dere already.at least it doesnt make me feel as down as him gng straight away from me when his bro calls him to high or when he needa go out..yupps.hmm.i noe tis is very childish and im sure i can overcome tis..so,hun yew dont hafta worry bout it=)i will be fine=)he questioned me if i was really happy wif him..i really am very happy to be wif yew!really!im not kiddin at all..

thanks hun for makin me smile today.im really happy!thanks hun!!thanks very much.please dont question urself anymore..i love yew!muuuackx!!!=)

27feb2011

2011-02-27T19:55:00.001+08:00

woke up and hun wasnt dere already..he went out just lyk i expected..but dunno wad i was actually hopin for..anw,dont noe where he is gng and wif who..i realised i dont noe wad lovell is doin all e tym now..i shant be so demandin..i shall go back to slp den..

27feb2011

2011-02-27T16:38:00.000+08:00

lovell called me he was in e toilet liao..he stomach pain pain aft drinnkin koi..i sooo wanna drink koi lo..ahahah!!oh well..he poo poo finish den went back room den oso nv tok..just stare at him only...feel happy enuff to be able to stare at him=)
aft everythin,he make me slp again..so,i hafta slp lo..but awhile he went offline liao.so,skype kup..hmm.now spore almost 5 liao.by e tym i wake up,i suppose lovell oso wif bro liao..but nvm,at least i got to tok to him today liao..so its fine le..thanks hun for tokin to me although yew so tired..muuackx!!!

27feb2011

2011-02-27T11:26:00.000+08:00

i cant slp..i wanna wait till lovell wake up den say good nite and tell him i love him..just bein able to tell him tat,will be enuff for e day already..i'll wait..i wanna be able to say it to him b4 he goes out for e day and b4 i go to bed..muuackx..i noe him bein very childish..but,i still wanna do it...

27feb2011

2011-02-27T10:39:00.000+08:00

i miss lovell lim so much='(so badly!!very badly!very very badly!

i noe tomolo lovell will not be home cos his bro will be in as he dont hafta go to e course tingy..so,i'll be expectin to be home alone waitin for him..i noe he'll defo be high wif bro tomolo too..hmm..tis one month his bro no needa book in,i suppose he will be high-in everyday liao..so yea..i suppose i wont be able to tok to him till he is back from pei-in his bro again ba..anw,i tink i'll go to bed soon le ba..

i wan tings to be beta..i wan lovell to be happy..i wan him to...i dunno..i just wan him to be happy even if i cant keep him by my side..i dunno..im gng crazy liao...lalala!!!i miss him!i wanna see him!='(i dont mind just starin at him even if i dont get to tok to him...i love yew hun!!!

27feb2011

2011-02-27T09:03:00.002+08:00

i miss lovell lim so much='(so so much='(i love yew..

27feb2011

2011-02-27T08:58:00.000+08:00

hmm.lovel was back really quickly=)toked to me for afew mins den fell aslp le=)haha!see..he so tired!!haix..within 1min he fell aslp liao.haha!=)he's a pig pig!!PIG PIG!!haha!!

well..had some vodka..but totally not enuff to drink at all..but,still,drank,den lovell went to bed..i watch my drama while drinkin,den went down to smoke..aft smoke feel much more calmer now=)hehe=)now,im hungry..dunno wad to eat..hmm.oh ya..risotto was not as good..too hard liao.but,i lyk hard hard de..but tat was too hard though..tomolo needa cook wif more water=)hehe!hmm.now smokin makes me calmer liao wor..how??tats just crap!!

hmm.lookin at lovell slp,makes me damn bad!!he seems so unhappy='(bein in a relationship,he shud be happy..but it seems lyk he is not happy at all.im sorrie i cant make yew happy at all..sorrie!!

now,lovell is slpin and snorin!!!he must be really tired!!he only snores when he is really tired..sorrie hun..everytym make yew pei me den yew so tired..sorrie..i love yew!i really do love yew!i dont mean to make yew so miserable.im so sorrie!i promise i'll cherish yew...i wont make yew unhappy and miserable again..although im here,i noe yew will be lyk tat..but i really hope yew'll be happy..and i wanna thank yew for findin ways to make me happy!!although deres no 30th tis month,im happy ive spent 11months wif yew as my bf!thanks hun!=)thanks for toleratin me and wantin me=)i love yew!=)

26feb2011

2011-02-27T08:04:00.000+08:00

lovell was done wif bro den called me.den he lyk down down..hmm..sorrie i toked to melvin..i promise i wont tok to melvin again le.im sorrie hun..make yew so down..hmm.den he tell me his feelings and everythin..sorrie.toked for abit,his bro came in to his room ask him to high again..and he said okie..so he went off..b4 he went off he asked me if i was given a second chance,will i still wanna be wif him??and will i ask him to be together 11months ago if he dint ask me..

i answered him i will still wanna be wif him if given a second chance..and,i will not ask him to be together if he dint ask me..i will try to be close wif him and stuffs but i will not ask him..i dont mind if tings happened even if we werent couples at tat tym..im willin to do anythin to for him..will i still wanna be wif him if i knew if he was tis busy doin his own stuffs.but my answer is,yes i will..i love him..i will do wadever it takes just to be close to him...really..

now,lovells high-in wif bro,den i shall find tings to do on my own=)i shall drink tonight den..since tomolo is sunday oso nth to do..yupps....

26feb2011

2011-02-27T04:36:00.000+08:00

wad a borin day..sian!!!lovell went out wif james and all.so,as expected,he dint fb me=)its fine..jasmine told me leonard tomolo no needa go to e course ting.den i was wonderin how come lovell nv pei bro when tomolo leonard no needa wake up early..i was tinkin how come lovell no needa high wif leonard.and guess wad i saw when i see my fb inbox?haha!=)he say he go high wif bro and leon..so,im actually quite smart lo..i noe tings b4 hand.haha!!=)oh well..gonna go cook risotto for dinner aft i go down for a smoke=)yupps.

26feb2011

2011-02-27T01:29:00.001+08:00

i woke up early wantin to pei lovell tok..den lovell dont lemme tok to him.wan me continue slp..den say will pei me e whole day today..but in my mind,i was tinkin he sure go out wif bro ltr when his bro come back..but i still wentb back to slp lo..den i woke up again at i forgot wad tym.haha!=)and guess wad?!he was still dere!!!he was still dere!!!!!!!!!he went pom pom den jasmine and leonard were wif mom in e kitchen eatin drumlets..hmm.they laugh until very happy and everythin lo.make me feel damn sad cos im not dere to pei lovell..sorrie hun.

anw,he pom pom finish den tok awhile den he watch his drama den make me slp again.so i slp for another hr plus den woke up at 2ish..wake up liao,lovell still dere!!i was expectin him to not be dere already lo..den i still see him dere,i feel damn happy!!!but oso have tis damn no an quan gan feelin though.lyk he will eventually go out ltr no matter wad..lyk anytym he will be gng out..anw,it doesnt matter=)and,i receive sooooo many many many many fb msges from him!!!!i feel so happy!=)hehe=)and he already pei me whole day liao!=)den pei him tok tok tok tok tok.toked bout les and gays and everythin.haha!=)den toked bout last tym when i realised tat i loved him alot..den toked bout e first tym and everythin..den he become down again..so,i say tok bout e les and gay topic instead=)hehe=)den he watch his drama until he cannot hear me at all.idiot!!cannot multi-task lo!idiot!!
i feel kinda bad though..today he pei me but i nv pei him!i only slp slp slp!haix.he send me msgs sayin he felt bad cos i fall aslp so quickly..im so sorrie hun..i realised its either he slp den i wait for him he wake up den he go out le,if not den is i slp,he wake up den when i wake up liao den he go out le..so im willin to sacrifice my slp for him..i oso feel bad make him tink tat i very tired den he ask me slp den i so fast jiu fall aslp le..sorrie hun..i promise i will be beta.muackx!!i love yew hun!=)

hmm.den we tok tok tok until around 4 den i got off e bed liao=)hehe=)finally..den tok tok tok awhile more,den he receive fone call liao..from james.first call he say he dowan to go out meet him.but tat feelin of no an quan gan,him gng out anytym is dere..den awhile more lovell receive second call..tats when i got tis feelin 'yes i noe lovell will be gng out no matter wad tonight..'and,he called me back and tell me he gng out to 85 meet james,ali and val..so,ya..expected.just dunno wad tym will go out only..haha!=)so,dere he goes..but he kept his promise though.he did pei me until 12am.so he did pei me whole day today liao=)so,hopefully he enjoys himself tonite=)he say he will fb me,but,i noe he wudnt de..so,its fine=)he wans to make me happy so say will fb me..but everytym he oso nv fb me de..so,used to it le ba=)he happy can liao=)so,its fine tat he says anythin just to make me happy!=)thanks hun for pei-in me for e whole day=)

okie.den tokin to jasmine.she left on her own..leonard say he lazy den nv pei her cos she slpin..jasmine was damn hungry lo..den leonard say will pei her go eat b4 she go home.but,leo nv wake up.den she cannot go home late,so she left on her own...dunno y but i feel so bad bout it..maybe cos i noe how she felt at tat point of tym..jasmine lyk give in so much but leonard lyk dont care her..oh well.its their relationship prob,i cant say anythin bout it..hopefully everythin will be fine wif em ba=)

now lovell is out wif james,i dunno wad to do liao..watch drama,den lie in bed,den ltr cook,den lie in bed den watch drama again..sian...so damn borin..but oh well..i feel so useless liao..useless until i wanna hide in a small room forever and ever!dont do anythin just stay in tis room.....nvm..maybe cos im used to it le ba=)

26feb2011

2011-02-26T12:07:00.000+08:00

hmm.i fell aslp aft marica came and ask me to put her monopoly board on my radiator to dry it..so help her lo..den she say she 1 hr ltr den come take from me=)and guess wad?i fell aslp.hehe!!den woke up at 2den go pee pee den marica came out den i pass her lo..den wake up liao,mouth damn itchy lo..is lyk damn fuckin itchy lo!!!so find snacks to eat..sian..nth to eat at all lo..den ate egg rolls lo...den drink apple juice..

hmm.den lovell woke up to pick me upright and put me properly den feel aslp again.hehe=)and he slp tok again!!!!!haha!!but dunno wad he say though...hmm.tink im gonna go slp now liao ba..hmm.i tink lovell will wake up around 2ish3 ba=)which means i cant pei him tok again liao..now already 12.now den i go slp,by e tym i wake up,he already out wif bro liao,if nt jiu pei bro high ba..so cant tok to him again le..tink will tok to him aft he come home,aft he pei bro ba..wait for another day to pass lyk tat..hopefully days will pass faster!!

hmm..maybe tomolo go grocery shoppin if im alone ba..wanna buy milk,veg,mushrooms,meat fruits and eggs..but needa save money..so for now maybe eat risotto for now ba..sat eat risotto,sun eat porridge wif mince meat ba..den mon den go buy..lyk tat can save money..yupps.lyk tis,can shun bian lose weight too=)ehehe

hmm.seein lovell slp,makes me tink bout e tyms we have passed together..i realised we have been thru quite abit..it seems lyk its a drama..can me into a drama already..makes me cherish him even more..hmm..hopefully i am as important to him as he is to me=)even if im slighted,its fine..i love him,i am willin to do anythin for him.thanks hun for all tat yewve done for me.i love yew=)

25feb2011

2011-02-26T08:25:00.000+08:00

hmm.today toked to mummy,now everythin okie liao..so its good tat its all okie liao.lovell called me.den he go pom pom..den he tell me he high..lyk expected eh..im so smart arent i?expected he slack means high liao de..okie la.he pom pom come out,jiu eat his left over chicken rice,while i eat my maggie mee.dunno y..today dont feel lyk eatin at all lo=(haix.dunno y.was hungry..but,cook finish liao,den dont feel lyk eatin leh..but still forced myself to eat..but left 2 meatballs..yupps.

okie.den he go smoke,den go back to room..den tok tok tok.den lovell naughty naughty..haha!!den we kinda played for an hr plus!!!!!den damn tired oso.lovell oso cant slp cos he needa wake bro up liao den can slp...so we tok abit den he jiu go wake bro up liao lo..his mom oso wake up liao.his mom gng to e market..den damn funny la!!!he ask me wait den he went wake bro up...den i tink he received a fone call or smth..den i kena hold..den i not wait lo..wait wait wait..he nv come back..den i tot he fell aslp liao..but somehow,he kup e fone liao..so i fb him lo..in e end,he was waitin for me,i was waitin for him..haha!!how silly of us?hehe=)den he call me back lo..den he damn tired den slp slp le lo=)muuuackx!!i love yew hun!sweet dreams!=)although lovell told me he will pei me whole day today,but its fine tat he went out wif bro club..he pei-ed me e whole nite aft he got back already=)so,thanks very much hun!!!

tis week feel not very well.chest pain and all.haven been slpin well oso..been on standby mode lately..dint slp well oso..wait for lovell wake up until i fall aslp..den keep wakin up to see if he sent me msgs on fb or call me..sometyms he nv send me anything.so i will keep wakin up and checkin..if not den will keep reply him or tok to him if he calls me..i really wanna noe wad he is doin..it makes me feel lyk im involve wif wad he is doin..i rmb him sayin he'll tell me wad he is doin thru fb,but he only did it for 2 days and stopped..but at least he made e effort to do it for 2 days=)thanks hun=)muuackx!!

i dunno how come im doin it..but i wanna do it..i do feel down e moment i see tat he dint send me anythin on fb but,im willin to wait=)lovell gonna start work soon..i dunno how his shift is gonna be lyk..so,i wanna pei him as much as i can now until his bro is back from e course ting.den he pei bro,denwhen bro slp,i can pei him again until he fall aslp den everythin starts over again=)hmm.i tot for abit today..am i happy lyk tat now?am i havin wad i wan?hmm..i love lovell lim.im willin to wait for him everyday..im fine wif him gng out clubbin lyk tat and gng out as and when he lyks,and i'll stay home waitin for him..sometyms he seems to lyk put me in e second place now already..but tats fine.he shud,since im not dere in spore..so,its fine to be placed at e second place=)i dont mind..i love him..muuuackx!!!

25feb2011

2011-02-26T04:00:00.000+08:00

hmm.wake up went down smoke den come up eat bread den went pom pom.den watch drama..yupps...hmm.lovell is back home from e club liao..den he pei bro slack awhile..i suppose is slack means high le ba..dunno..hmm.i told lovell tell leonard tat jasmine mite be still awake..so,dont go online..just cooked magggie mee..sian!eat maggie..tomolo eat maggie again.must eat until mon den got sch den go buy..sian...

25feb2011

2011-02-26T00:53:00.000+08:00

lovell gave me a short call at spore 9ish tell me he gng club liao.so say bye bye den kup le.den ask me dont tell jasmine.so,ya.den i went back to slp till around here almost 4 den wake up.den went down for a smoke..den came back up..den call mummy..he and alan okie liao..so,ya.den now wait for heater den go pom pom.den maybe lie in bed watch drama again ba..yupps.

hmm.last nite marco told me he made out wif a girl when we were still together durin xmas..which means it happened when we were only together for awhile and e first holiday where we went back...he expected me to make a fuss outta it.but i dint..i mean,wads e point of makin a fuss?yewre just my fren now.even if yew told me at tat point of tym,i suppose i wont make a fuss too..he asked me why am i so calm and everythin when i heard..its cos,yewre just my fren now.e past is e past..even if lovell calls me now and tell me he fucked another girl,i'll just say orh..i noe my heart will break,but i wouldnt make a fuss outta it.i'd pretend tat nth happen.i'll definitely be disappointed but it'll go away..yea..so,its fine..its fine if lovell goes out and play..i rmb tellin my mom if my bf play outside,i will be very cool type just dump em only..but when it comes to lovell now,i cant do wad i said to my mom..

today lovell said will pei me at home e whole day..but i noe its not possible..but i was happy enuff tat he's got tat thought though..now hes outta wif bro clubbin,and im sure when he come home,he'll be lyk im so sorrie.i feel lyk im a fucked up boyfren and all..but,oh well..tats fine...e moment i sent tat =) to yew,i noe wad kinda person yew are..so,its fine hun..im prepared and gettin used to it now=)muackx!i love yew!

25feb2011

2011-02-25T19:13:00.001+08:00

yay!!lovell called me when he wake up..or rather,i fb him liao den he call me de.cos he already finished eatin when he called me..but at least he called me=)hehe=)hmm.pei him tok tok tok den he sing sing sing=)den he pom pom den we tok tok tok tok tok and he sing sing sing again!!.happy happy!!!den he say today pei me whole day..but i noe it wont be e case de..so i dowan slp..pei him tok now..cos if i slp wake up,he sure will be pei-in bro even if he say he wont go out and will pei me whole day now..so pei him tok now instead lo..

den his bro came back liao..den we tok awhile more den he fell aslp le.so now i suppose wont tok to him until he come back from clubbin le ba..he gng clubbin wif bro ltr..so,at least i woke up and tok to him now if not,hafta wait till he come home from clubbin at around 4ish5,den he oso tired liao..den i oso wont wan him to pei me liao..

anw,thanks hun,for pei-in me tok so long ytd and today=)thanks!!muuuackx!i love yew=)

25feb2011

2011-02-25T09:57:00.000+08:00

my neck,head and chest hurts='(how?really hurts lyk hurts!!lyk pain to e bone tat kind lo..haix...please go away please???

24feb2011

2011-02-25T08:55:00.000+08:00

dint go to school today again..headache and chest pain again!been lyk tat for afew days liao sia!=(den lovell called me=)yay!!happy but dunno leh..tok awhile,den he went to watch hse of wax wif his bro lo..den i watch my ming zhong lo..yupps.den awhile more lovell jiu cal me again liao..he called me at here 4=)kinda early though..den we toked toked toked all e way lo..

we toked quite abit today=)but ltr tok bout not happy tings again..he say he feel bad bout him being a horrible bf..hmm.im not sayin he is bad!!he asked me if he changed..hmm.maybe he did change in some way..but,tats fine..i will and wan to get use to it!i wan him to be happy!i wanna be wif him forever!so,it doesnt matter..really..it doesnt matter..hmm.he also said i got wai yu too.it did make me down at tat moment lo.made my heart twitch even harder..but,can tahan..can tahan wont cry=)so,its fine=)

aft awhile,mummy called,den say me!!say she left alan a msg..say she tell alan to pretend they are dead and dont bother callin home anymore...den she was sayin she is also sayin it to me..hmm.den kup fone liao lo.den lovell ask me wad happen,i jiu cry liao lo..den lovell dunno wad to say..i cry awhile jiu okie liao though.den fb alan ask him call him,and guess wad?!he did!!!!yay!!lyk finally!!but i dunno e result of e call though..he dint reply me when i ask him...den tok to lovell until around 6 den he go slp..lovell dont feel well lo..haix..his nose runnin away..hopefully he dont sick..he startin work anytym now liao..haix.hmm.he slp liao den i watch kangxi lo..den watch hk drama..den finished up e left over of e pasta lo..

hmm.i feel bad for makin lovell feel lyk wad he felt just now lo..i really dint wan him to feel lyk tat..i dont mind he change!as long as we're together,everythin will be alright..i dont mind him gng out and playin all e tym..im serious bout wad i said..i really meant wad i said too..i dont wan lovell to feel lyk how he felt anymore..maybe i shud keep quiet everytym den he wouldnt feel lyk tat anymore lo..yupps.i love him..i wan him.i need him..im willin to do anythin for him=)muuuackx!!

anw,e skype wif lovell kup liao=(it kup lyk 10mins aft he wen to bed..sadded='(i miss him..i wan him..i realised i really hope and love it when lovell hugs me from behind tightly when we're on e bed!!=)its makes me smile when i tink bout it!its really sweet when i tink bout it=)thanks hun=)i love yew!!muackx!!

24feb2011

2011-02-24T21:35:00.000+08:00

oh yea..i had to weird dreams tis mornin...

first..i rmb i went shoppin at ion wif mummy and daddy but i lost em..den i kepy gng up and down e escalator lookin for em..den i cant find em.somehow,lovell lim appeared!!he appeared outta nowhere,and stood rite infront of me!!!!=)i was so happy!!!so,i forgot bout daddy and mummy!!den went shoppin wif lovell instead=)hehe=)we walked everywhere!!!shop shop shop!dunno where i and lovell come e money de..i bought everythin i wanted leh!iphone,bag..everythin la!!haha!=)den dunno y from orchard ion,we came to chinatown!!!!!den duno y got alot of animals exhibition..it was showin all e weird weird animals!!den i so excited,walk walk walk,den lost lovell!!!!!='(i ran around lookin for him den cried='(but while lookin for him,i saw somthin really cute!!when i found lovell,i brought him to tat cage dere to show him..but e lights off liao.den dunno wad happened to lovell he went crazy den go carry e animal outta cage,den go shake it..den guess wad?!lovell disappeared!!he become in e leave!!!den its a munched up leave..so he only have his head left..den a passer-by saw,den say needa have 50pounds to get him outta dere..but we spent all our money tat aftnoon from shoppin..den i rmbed i can go ask from an uncle upstairs..dunno y i tot lyk tat..den i ran off..den ran to e uncle,uncle today lend='(den lovell called me liao..say my dad is here to pick us up..he was all fine liao!!!!!!really all fine le!!=)he was in a whole!!hmm.den got on car,he was so angry wif me!!den he touch me,den i damn scared la!!!!!!lyk proper dont dare to move at all lo..i was sooo scared of him..really scared of him!!so scared until i wake up lo.....haix...

second,i dreamt i had an assignment..and i was workin in a grp wif cheryl and jiahan..dunno how come..haha!!we were given an assignment needa make a dress..so i suppose is textile class lo..den,we collected loads of info from 2 rooms.den i was sayin we shud make a long dress..den very special tat kind..den i tot of makin a orange dress or a waterfall lyk dress=)hhehe!!so many ideas!!!hehe!den cheryl and jiahan no comments de ma..so i alot ideas all say out lo!!aft decidin and toked bout our dress,we went to watch movie or smth..den while walkin to e cinema,we saw firdaus and e grp!!and guess wad i saw!!!!!!firdaus smokin!!!!!mao mao smoke leh!!!wow!!den i oso smoke lo.hehe=)but,my lighter not workin!!!and in my dream jiahan wasnt a smoker...so she no lighter..in e end hafta borrow maomaos cig to light mine=)den smoke finish we went toilet.den damn stupid ting happened in e toilet which i cant rmb..i only rmb until i finish smokin den went to a restaurant to throw cig!!den a guy scold me say no smokin inside..den i oso dunno wad i doin too!!hahahahahah!!=)damn stupid dreams rite??hahaha!!=)

24feb2011

2011-02-24T20:44:00.000+08:00

woke up alot of tyms to see if lovell was awake anot..den by 4,i sent lovell fb msg..he replied and said he dint wanna disturb me so nv tell me he wake up liao..he woke up at 3ish i tink?dunno..den he called me on skype den i continue slp liao lo..woke up alot of tyms den see lovell,but he wasnt dere.so i continue slp lo..ya..woke up at 8,he kup liao.cos his bro is back..anw,woke up wif swollen eye and my chest still pain lo.haix.am i dyin soon?haix..

he sent me msg say he feel he very bad tat he wanna play but wanna pei me too.but cant do both at e same tym..hmm.tats fine..he pei bro play,its fine..not angry or upset la..tis mornin tok to him,he said sorrie to me cos he dint call me..i wasnt angry or wad la.den he asked me no needa say sorrie izzit cos im used to it already?hmm.to be honest,im really used to him doin smth and sayin sorrie to me already..him sayin sorrie doesnt seem lyk its sincere anymore..it seems lyk just a word he shud say aft wadever his done..haha!oh well...tats fine..used to it liao ma..sometyms makes me tink tat im horrible..y am i so unreasonable leh?urgh!sandra chang,get use to it,and yew'll be fine=)

okie la.now needa eat lunch den go school liao..sian!school..haix..oh well.........

24feb2011

2011-02-24T20:33:00.000+08:00

dint drink soup..ate choc muffin and half a cookie marica baked..today she baked again..so stole another 2=)hehe!!anw,dint drink soup=(tink tink tink den now 330 liao..beta not drink liao.den daddy msg me on skype..ask me e advantages of havin an iphone and all tat.den say its difficult to get me e iphone for george to bring it over for me..but for my bdae definitely can..but i mean my bdae wor....august..now feb nia!!another half a year..sian..i tink i come back in june,work one month oso can get myself one b4 august liao lo..even faster den wait for em to get for me lo..idiot!

anw,im starvin and my chest still pain until now lo..haven stop painnin for a sec at all lo..how?am i dyin soon??will i just slp and nv wake up at all?if i do,its lyk i spend my entire life in school studyin..OMG!practically wasted my entire life lo..haix..oh well..hopefully e chest pains will go away....and cannot tink tat im hunngry!tomolo b4 go sch den drink den eat bread=)yum yum!!!=)

23feb2011

2011-02-24T10:46:00.000+08:00

pom pom,vacuum and washed most of e stuffs=)den watched drama lo..den tok to mel..tok rubbish wif mel..den awhile lovell jiu call me liao.he called me at around 1ish b4 2=)hehe=)he got fb me when he was dunno doin wad his his bro lo=)nice nice=)reply very quick somemore..haha!=)

we toked over skype..tok quite abit..but tat retard keep watchin his korean drama lo..watch watch watch!idiot!!haha!=)hmm.i cant rmb wad we toked about la.haha!but we tok den he jealous i tok to mel again.haha!=)we toked bout e ideal date!haha!den he tok bout his bro fren bought hse liao.den make him wan to too.make him tink bout his future..den toked bout car license.today e car place called me and asked me if wanna book me for a automatic class or not..haha!=)den i actually no need lo!!!wth!!wad was i tinkin!!!!i shud say yes la!alan oso start learnin liao.den i shud totally too la!!den lovell oso haven learn yet..but i tink i will get license faster and earlier den lovell if i learn ba=)haha!

okie.den awhile more jiu cook liao.cooked my pasta again=)everytym oso eat pasta.haha!=)i tink i eat finish pasta,den gonna eat porridge for a few days liao=)too fat now le.haha! =)den i cook lovell watch his drama again!den i ask him go slp he dowan lo!!!!!we toked awhile more,den he jiu orh orh b4 i eat my pasta if i nv rmb wrongly..haha!=)hmm.pasta was okie..finished all today=)hehe=)he slp,i eat den watch drama lo.eat finish den i damn tired liao sia!!den i fell aslp!!about to fall aslp tat tym,mummy called me lo!wth la!!!she called at spore 6am la!!dunno she slp wake up liao or haven even slp lo!!!tat alan dowan to call home la!!urgh!!idiot!!den he dont call home,mummy will keep buggin me!bug me until my chest damn pain lo!='(my chest from ytd very tight until now lo!ytd is pain awhile nia..now is pain for afew hrs liao sia!lyk damn tight lo!keeps twitchin='(i damn scared ltr suddenly heart attack sia!wah!!but pain..haix.

den lovell woke up for abit at 10 den fell back aslp liao.haha!=)den apparently he gt a fone call so,skype was paused!i doubt he dint pick up e fone tats y im still on hold on skype!he must be still slpin wifout answerin e fone la!scarly is e work place call him sia!!den he nv pick up!!!he really is pig pig lo!haha!hmm.i now hungry again liao lo..dunno wanna drink e soup anot leh..shud i??i really wan to though..but..dunno leh..chest damn tight..den stomach oso hungry den ya lo..

hmm..today,lovell keeps tokin bout e future..makes me damn wanna have a future wif him lo.we toked bout e car.he say he no motivation to learn car cos he no car to drive.but i learn liao can drive daddys car..so okie..den i rmb daddy got say b4 if he got license,den we can drive his car out lo=)so,its okie wad..he shud have motivation...den tomolo i needa call e car place again to ask her to book me in for an automatic class..haha!=)but i kinda scared leh..i mean lyk new environment.den i damn scared de lo..in spore i not so scared lo.cos i noe all e road and all tat..and guess wad?lovell is scared too!haha!=)and,he is proper tinkin bout our future lo..lyk still so long and his tinkin bout it lo...haha!=)i really wan to have him in my future!muackx!!i love yew hun!!

sian..dunno y my chest still twitchin lo..twitch for a couple of hrs liao sia!nv stop at all leh..keeps twitchin all at e tym..nv stop!sian!!pain='(how sia...and,im gonna go drink soup now.im hungry..haha!=)muackx!!

23feb2011

2011-02-23T22:57:00.000+08:00

was wantin to wait for lovell to wake up de.but fell aslp.fell aslp wif lights on and unlocked door..dint feel good at all.slp wif lights on and all.den woke up at spore 1ish..lovell called me.say he gng pom pom den go out to killiney road liao..den i dunno y i damn tired really cant move and all at all!!!=(den,continue slp lo.den cant tok to lovell at all lo.haix.so sad!!den i woke up at spore 4ish,he home from work place liao.den he gng back to slp..den i see he go back slp den i go back slp too lo..den he woke up at 6ish eat dinner.but i was really damn tired!couldnt wake up at all.haix.so wake up on and off to reply to lovell.really wanna tok to him lo.haix.but,i really cant get up=(its cos i dint off light to slp la!!urgh!den he eat jiu high wif bro liao..den i not continue slp lo..den finally wake up at here 2pm=)hehe!but by den he nv reply me liao=(so,i tok to jasmine lo..

she needed a favour from me..she wanna buy somethin den send over my address den i post back to her.but i ask her to get george to bring back..hmm.but in e end,dunno y she say only can post to US..so,nv make liao lo..yupps..den now my head oso pain.sian!dunno y lo..from last nite pain until now liao..sian!nvm..den watch dram lo..wait for heater den ltr go pom pom..i suppose lovell 2ish den can tok to me de..so,can go pom pom and wash up evrythin den tok to him=)hehe=)

22feb2011

2011-02-23T07:51:00.000+08:00

i shudve got on e plane today..but oh well..wadever..toked to lovell on e fone when i woke up=)very happy!!tok to him until 15mins b4 i leave home for workshop..his bro is back den they gonna high so lovell kup me to pei bro lo..den,i went to school,went dere just on tym..den simona was even later den me..so okie la.workshop was...quiet.haha!=)nobody toked..so ya..den i got to fb lovell all e way durin workshop!!

its been ages since i toked to him lyk tat in school on fb!!!definitely not tis term..it was last term tat we've toked lyk tat..tis term,when im in school,he usually would be workin or out wif bro and clique..so,yea..really happy when he replied me on fb when i got to school!!=)we toked toked toked till i ended workshop=)but,when i went for lecture,he reply slower liao..so,i rot lo..use fb to look look look at ppls profile to pass tat one hr lo..dunno wad he was doin oso.he was at home,not out till i ended school.he called me when i was walkin home.smoked on my way back..i got home den he went out..yupps.he went out,den dint fb him liao.cos he dint reply..so i use com awhile jiu slp le..b4 i slpt,jasmine fb me say needa tok to me bout somethin on skype tonite..den,marica came to knock on my door..she baked loads of cookies and muffins.den treated me to some!!wow!!it was really yummy!!very very yummy!=)had flabby or wadever tats called,cookies and choc muffin!!nice!!really good!!well,came back room,den fell aslp le..den woke up at here around6ish..lovell come home le..den he skype me.

he went to carls jr to eat and slack den come home liao..den we skyped!!so happy!=)skyped for hrs!!damn happy la!tok tok tok,toked bout our future again!sweet and happy=)he naughty naughty..den already 4 am liao.tym pass sooo fast lo..den i ask him go slp,he dowan!!he wanna pei me tok..so we continue tok tok tok.den i cooked pasta for dinner=)he watch his korean drama..well,my pasta was a success=)but i couldnt finish it..dunno y..haha!=)so left half of it for supper..tok tok tok to lovell,den his eye pain!all red lo!idiot!den made him go wash his eye..den okie liao=)den tok abit more until spore6ish den he went to slp lo..awhile ltr,mummy called me!

make me ask alan to call home.but he dowan.so called candace to get him.tok to him ask him y dont call home?den he say he dowan den kup my call liao..fucker!asshole!!urgh!den mummy called again to kp me.told her to leave him as he is..he okie liao will call home de..den my mom say if he dont call home by today,den mummy daddy dont ren him liao!wtf la!ask me tell him he dont call home,den dont bother callin home anymore.den ask me ask him holiday tat tym,wan go back spore or go back to hk or dont even wanna come back anymore.if he dowan to come back anymore,daddy mummy is gonna take back e money from e government..wtf la!make until so serious!i dont even noe wad alan tinkin bout la!den mummy called me again..

called me say say say..e more he say e more i dulan.they dunno alan not happy den almost wanna run away from school and all tat.so he dont tok to em obviously is he not happy wif em la!but i cant tell em.if not they go ask den alan wont tok to dar anymore..haix.tats y make me more dulan only lo..den say say say,she say is cos of me den make until lyk tat lo!!tat day alan kup e call is cos me!wtf la!everythin oso blame me liao lo!fuck sia!!urgh!den she still wanna tok tok tok tok tok..den i buay tahan den went down to smoke den she tok tok tok tok!!urgh!cant stand bro sia!urgh!i really dunno wad she tinkin lo!!wtf la!!

now damn emo liao lo.come up,realised skype kup wif lovell liao='(haix..he lost connection or smth ba..so kup='(today actually very happy de lo,cos lovell pei me almost whole day de lo..den,alan,mummy daddy hafta fuckin ruin my day!urgh!hate it so much..y am i e one who is always blamed for everythin?everythin oso say i start de.haix.oh well......fine!!im used to it liao..haix..now i miss lovell so much!when get to see him slp at least i feel peaceful..but,now,he oso kup liao..i oso dunno who to tok to lo..sian..now head oso damn pain liao.urgh!!!!!wahhhh!!!!!!i miss lovell lim!i really do miss yew alot hun!='(i shudve touched down in spore now already de lo!!den go to lovells hse to look for him to give him e surprise de lo..haix!!really wanted to see his reaction de lo!haix..really hoped i was next to him now lo!haix=(i miss lovell lim!i love yew hun!!='(i need yew so badly!='(

22feb2011

2011-02-22T13:21:00.001+08:00

yay.just tidied up my room abit..tomolo aft school den proper tidy my room clean!!!=)got so many tings to wash lo.sian!needa wipe table,clean mirror,wash e sink,clean cupboard,vacuum floor,do e bed,throw rubbish,wash clothes,everythin..sian..

hmm.lovel orh orh liao..den ltr will go out wif bro when bro end his course tingy at 5.so he maybe around 6ish 7 go out ba..today,i oso dint noe wad tym he went out,wad he did,where he go..hmm.sometyms,some tings do change change aft tym..hopefully it wudnt change anymore at tis rate..if not soon we wouldnt even tok for weeks already..i really hope tat day wouldn come at all..haix..

22feb2011

2011-02-22T12:29:00.000+08:00

lovell woke up at around half 10..den called me and we toked!!we toked!!!=)really toked!!=)so happy!!!very long since we toked!!=)we toked for an hour or so..den he ask me go slp liao=(hmm.we nv tok as much as we used to anymore..now,its either i ask him to slp or he ask me to slp..but,haix.since he lyk dowan tok to me den i say i go slp lo..i slpt wif him just now so i can tok to him now..told him still got 14ish hrs b4 i can tok to him,cos he gng out wif bro den high-in wif bro oso..so,ya..but he actually said tat its okie..tats more den half a day cannot tok to him but he say okie..den okie lo...so i not say i go and slp le lo..tats fine..he called me on skype,den video call me..den i pretend slp lo.den watch drama while he slp lo..now,hes aslp liao..tink im gonna watch abit more drama awhile more den slp for 4 hrs den wake up go school lo..yupps.oh well...

21feb2011

2011-02-22T10:25:00.000+08:00

woke up wif a call from daddy..scare e hell outta me!he noe bout e tickets liao!OMG!!i changed e email,dint change e fone number ting!!den they sent a text to daddy when i book e tickets!!wah!!den i dont dare to slp already!kept tinkin and tinkin and tinkin.and i've decided to tell daddy bout it..so called him he called back but i dont dare to say..so kup lo..den webcam oso,i oso dint tell him..shag!finally until e 3rd call den i told him say is mel and e rest bought it for me as e present for lovell.den daddy ask me den how?den i say i tomolo flyin back lo.den he say cannot!haix.he die die oso say cannot lo..urgh!but oh well..aft kup,he fuckin called george den say her..den he called lovell too!!damn him!is lyk lovell noe nth bout it,den for fuck tell him to disappoint him for no reason?haix..sadded.really am..den lovell called me and asked me lo.so..ya..

den we went pom pom one by one den prepare to go out liao lo..we went to e pub to eat again..carbonara again.hehe=)hmm.den george called and say dad called her again.urgh!i hate it when he have my frens number!haix.so marfan.cannot fan me and alan den fan em..dots.okie me and candace ordered large portion but it came as small.but lucky though..finished and was damn full liao..eat finish jiu left liao cos alan and candace needa rush train..den went to mall to change tings,den walk around.den went bacnk withdraw money again.den come home liao lo.den came up all sit on bed lyk retards.den ate ice cream.den we were so quiet while eatin!so funny!all so into eatin!!pigs!!hhaah!=)eat finish alan make his salmon sandwich to bring on train to eat.den they packed and everythin den they left='(send em down='(they left,den lovell called me while i was smokin..lite lite lite...dunno y tis few days smoke will lyk tat lo..weird,but nice so tats fine=)hehe=)

hmm.dint get to tok to lovell much today.he went out wif bro and frens dunno went where..he dont say den i dont ask lo.yupps.and he forgot to call jasmine!!idiot!!!everytym forgot help me do wad he said okie de lo!!anw,came up den toked to yuting and took back my money.dint get full refund.only got e tex and everythin.e rest all gone='(300++gone lo.haix.couldve bought iphone4 when top up another 200 lo.idiot!but oh well..daddy dont let den too bad=(den come back room jiu tok to mummy but i was so damn tired so i cant be bothered to tok to em.so i tell em i wanna slp liao..aft kup,watched abit drama,den lovell call me liao.happy happy!=)hehe=)den tok to him.he naughty naughty!!haha!he smoked in his room somemore!!!ltr e whole room sure smell de lo!haha!he scare me lo!i tot he climb outta e window to smoke!he lie to me la!he high den climb outta window!scare me la!!urgh!asshole.anw,tok to him awhile we both jiu slp liao lo..slpt together today!!hehe=)but cos just now got e squeeky sound so i mute e speakers...den fell back aslp without unmuting..den e call kup='(den he called me again den obviously cos its mute so, i dint answer=(sadded=(

i woke up at 130 la!!!slpt from around 7ish to 130 lo!6hrs lo!dunno tonight how slp sia!urgh!anw,woke up had 2 salmon sandwich which alan left me=)yum yum..hmm.i miss hun so much!lyk really alot alot..i really wan an iphone now wor..how?buy?yes no,no yes?which??

hmm.i miss hun alot now='(lyk really alot lo.haix.hmm.i realised me and lovell dont tok as much tis few days at all lo..lyk we nv get to tok anymore.he got his life-bro and frens,me-i dunno..so we kinda dont get to tok much..but i tink tis will last till i come back..cos his bro dont hafta book in for a month already..so,i suppose tis will be lyk tat for e comin month..oh well.i love yew hun..really do..muuackx!!

20feb2011

2011-02-21T09:12:00.000+08:00

woke up e first ting i did was to call my darlin and tok to him!!he dint call me='(oh well..den tok to him..tok to him liao den i jiu wake up den he go prepare liao cos he needa prepare go out dinner wif dad liao..den we watch ghost whisperer den dilly dally abit lo..haha!den went to shower at 11.hehe!=)one by one shower,den alan made garlic bread=)hehe.eat eat eat..den added smoked salmon to it=)hehe.eat eat eat..den eat finish den watch abit more ghost whisperer den went out to e mall..went walk walk walk=)bought quite abit of stuffs wif candace=)hehe.kinda spent alot of money today la!den finally went to tesco to get groceries for tonite=)hehe=)

den aft all tat,jiu come home liao lo.smoked on e way back.den met elsa on e way back..den she look at e cig den lyk pretty shocked or smth.her eyes dint leave e cig.hahah!=)den i smoke lo.den alan damn wicked la!dowan to wait for me finish smoke at al!!damn him!!so i smoked lyk machine la!damn fast!!but still alan dowan wait for me='(sadded.den he went up!but candace came back down to help me carry e tesco tings..den i see she come down,den smoke very quickly again.by e tym i finish smokin,i cant walk e stairs liao.even more cant walk den ytd!!hahah!=)in pretty lyk tat short feelin though=)hehehehhe=)

came up slacked..alan and can watch ghost whisperer.den went to yuting room to do somethings..den done liao,den i watch ming zhong den we kinda lyk fell aslp!den yay!!!lovell called me=)he had fish and co wif dad.den got ang pao.den went out play lan wif bro den came home.and surprisinly,lovell not high!!!wow!!!i expected him to be high!be he wasnt!!!!!=)den toked to him on e fone while candace slp and bro watch movie..feel so tired liao den marica come knock on e door ask play monopoly liao!we haven even cooked yet la!!urgh!so we start cook and played..lucky i say i play as a grp wif alan.cos i cant be bothered and i dont lyk monopoly at all!anw,we cook cook cook den play play play..den in e end only alan played me and can come back room tok to our bf=)hehehe=)but i did e dishes today!!!!!so guai rite?!

anw,called hun den hun was lyk cryin='(dunno why he suddenly cry until lyk tat lo..haix.make my heart break on e spot lo..den i dunno wad to say oso..den he say he tired liao wan slp le.so kup lo=(in e end he dint slp!he fb me and everythin!den tell me he sometyms feel very lonely..den make me tink,maybe he shud find another girl to pei him when he is lyk today so bored..i felt really bad..i dont wan him to be so lonely..i dont wanna be so selfish..i wan him to be happy.i noe wad he'll say.he wont be happy if he is doin tat..but if he really had another girl to hug and stuffs,he wudnt feel lyk tat anymore..i really meant wad i said..i wan him..i wan him in my life but not lyk him being so lonely and everythin...he kinda debated wif me over fb over tis issue..until around 7 b4 he went to bed..he was already so tired den still pei me tok.although its not a happy topic,im still happy tat i toked to him=)

aft he slp,alan finish his monopoly game,den alan dyed his hair blond den me and can watch ghost whisperer lo..yupps.den we both had ice cream!!yum yum!!!taste soo yummy although i had it lyk 2 days ago and tat i shudnt be eatin it now.haha!=)but oh well.i wanna eat!!i today very guai lo.i only smoked 1 cig=)hun,im a good girl!!=)hun,i promise we will work hard towards our dreams and one day im sure it will come true,alrite?i really hope one day it'll come true!!=)okie?=)we shall work hard alrite??nth will come between us!!i promise=)muuackx!!!i love yew!!

i really do.i wanna have a future wif yew.i dunno y im tinkin tis.but i really wish i can be leavin wif lovell..slpin on e same bed every nite,wakin up together,lookin at each other every mornin e first ting we wake up,gng out to work together,eatin together,come home together,eat and cook together,wash up and watch kang xi together on e bed,den go to bed together=)it makes me smile when im tinkin all bout it!its really somethin i wan to happen!i really wan it to happen!!i love yew hun!=)muuackx!!

20feb2011

2011-02-20T20:40:00.000+08:00

was really tired,went to bed around2ish den fell aslp straight!!!!!den i cant rmb..i proper slpt all e way till i woke up!=)bro and candace were awake liao..den they whispered den i wake up liao.sian!damn tired lo.even now,my brain oso lyk half dead.but im tahan-in..oh well..

woke up,lovell nv call me='(so i call him lo=(sadded=(he met dad.they went nexx e new shoppin mall..he got ang bao again!cos his bdae!!damn him!!!so good!!family ting again!!den i not dere again.sian!!!='(haix......i miss him so much,so so so so so so so much='(

19feb2011

2011-02-20T09:16:00.001+08:00

slpt at almost 10am tis mornin..pei lovell tok tok tok=)so happy!!get to tok to him on his bdae for quite abit=)hmm.but someone was a pig pig den fell aslp again.haha!=)den i jiu go slp lo..den he awhile jiu wake up go eat dinner wif mummy bro and jasmine.they had bdae cake first liao den go out..he had crab for dinner.haha!=)sian.im dere to have dinner wif him..such a nice family tingy and im not dere='(

anw,he finish dinner jiu go home den went to katong meet e rest of em to sing..i dunno wad happened dere.only noe they played wif e cake and all..den ya.they sang at 11..den sing until 2ba..cos 3hrs..haha!anw,me,can and bro went to e pub to have food again=)hehe.carbonara as usual=)den we all damn full jiu sit dere until 5 den go..went walk walk at e mall.den went to tesco to get e groceries for dinner=)hehe.den got 75meatballs!!wah!!went back.smoked,den dunno why aft smoke,den suddenly head damn light..couldnt walk up e stairs properly la!damn light..but i kinda lyked tat feelin.very relaxed=)hehe=)i lyk tat...

anw,came home,den lovell fb me say he on his way in e cab home.he went home at around 230.den jiu disappear liao=(he and bro high again lo..haix.sian...miss him damn much.okie,den we cooked rice,meatballs,veg and steam egg.normal food again lo..cooked 18meatballs and alan ate 11 himself!!!OMG la!!kong bu lo!!haha!=)dinner was alrite except e egg not enuff taste..anw,we watched e movie yours,mine and ours while eatin dinner..hehe=)den lovell oso watchin movie wif bro..anw,we eat finish liao den slack around.den i started lookin for my keys!!!cant find it lo!!den george call me.but,i tot is lovell call.so i called lovell.den apparently is not lovell call de.he sound damn fierce when he pick up e fone lo.scare me..so,called george den tok to her bout her and zul and all tat..hmm.tok to her liao jiu continue lookin for my keys.den lovell called!yay!!so happy la!its lyk finally la!!=)hehe=)hmm.den finally found my keys!its in my pants!hehe.so went down to smoke lo.den yi bian smoke yi bian tok to my darlin!=)

i miss him so damn much la!lyk really alot alot=(haix..i really wanna be wif him!!i forgot to ask him wad was his birthday wish!!haha!=)i wish i wish i wish i can be wif lovell lim.next to him,on his bed,huggin him,kissin him,tokin to him..i miss yew!='(

anw,tok to him in e kitchen until e fone kup den he jiu go to slp liao.miss him so much..feel so damn bad tat i cant celebrate his birthday wif him!haix.i hate tings bein lyk tat!i wan him!!haix..oh well..if only its my birthday den i can have a birthday wish den i wud wish tat im wif lovell lim!!muackkx!i love yew!!=)we fb till he fell aslp=)aft he fell aslp den me bro and candace watch mr bean lo.all damn sian la!watch dunno how many million tyms liao!!....den watch ghost whisperer too...

now,im so tired..so so so so tired..i really miss lovell lim!how i wish i wake up den im lyk next to lovell lim,in his room and on his bed liao lo..i tink im gonna go to bed liao ba..tomolo sunday everythin close damn early!!so hafta go out earlier to buy groceries to cook..yupps..

nitex hun!sweet dreams!i love yew!hope yew enjoyed ur 20th birthday!!=)i love yew=)

19feb2011

2011-02-19T16:31:00.000+08:00

yay!!!!!!hun woke up at around 2ish den pei me tok until now!!!!=)so happy!!!!but he lyk damn sian lo.sian until he went out to get cigs..den,he oso play wif e cats=)hehe=)so cute=)hmm.den he oso very naugthy today..hahah!=)he went home aft smokin den tok tok tok den now,he bcome pig pig again!!pig pig!!hahahah=)but im very happy!!!today get to tok to lovell so long=)hehehe=)happy birthday hun!!!muuuackx!!!thanks for pei-in me tok today!!=)i love yew!!=)

19feb2011

2011-02-19T13:42:00.000+08:00

yay!!hun is awake and ive spoken to him!!!happy happy!!!!!!=)

now he is eating wif mummy bro and jasmine le ba..muuuaccckkkkxxx!=)

19feb2011.happy birthday hun!!=)

2011-02-19T13:22:00.000+08:00

lovell woke up early today pei me tok!!!!im sooo happy!!!!happy birthday hun!!!hope yew have a great one!!!i love yew hun!!!!!=)muuuackx!!i love yew!!!!!

anw,lovell wake up to wash hair cos his head damn itchy!hahah!=)den we tok tok tok for abit den he fell back aslp.as usual aft our usual doins...yupps.hmm.he slp liao den just good george msn me.so tok to her..den she ask me call her..so called her den tok to her lo..tok for quite some tym.toked bout her trip here and all tat..yupps.den tok tok tok,kup liao,lovell went off line.dunno why='(haix...hmm..maybe cos he went smokin wif bro le ba..dunno he still in bed or awake le..hmm..dunno leh..i miss him so much..lyk really alot..

anw,really wish he have a good birthday today!!!he celebratin bdae wif mom,bro jasmine for dinner first.den meetin his clique go teo heng to sing at 11..den i suppose aft tat,he sure high again de..so doubt will speak to him again liao..i tink i needa go slp now.cos ltr bro and can reachin here at around 2ish 3..so beta go to bed now le la..i miss lovell lim so much='(

18feb2011

2011-02-19T06:03:00.000+08:00

hmm.really damn sian today.wake up tot will receive somethin from lovell.but,nopes nth..haix.dint even tok to him aft i woke him up,den he went high wif bro as expected..den call me say he pei bro.so ya.nv tok lo.den i say i go slp so he no needa pei me lo.yupps.somehow heart kinda twitched..so broke..dunno for fuck oso.sometyms it makes me wonder y he can do anythin for his frens..sometyms put his frens b4 everythin.i noe me too.but im already changed i suppose?i dont tink i put frens b4 him anymore le ba..dunno la.just alittle i dunno la..ya.

tried to slp den woke up at 10ish..den see got nth from him heart twitched again.lyk wad i said,lovell did change for a couple of days when he first read my blog..he sent me wad he was doin and everythin.but i knew it wudnt last long.and true enuff,it dint last..its expected though..but tats fine.i aint wanna be so ba dao.i needa stop being so childish.

oh well.since nth to do.so stayed in bed till 4 which is spore 12 den text lovell and fb him say happy birthday.dint wanna call him and disturb him.so text and fb him only.yupps.hope he did enjoy himself lo.im so sorrie tat i cant celebrate his 20th birthday wif him..im so sorrie.well,he called me in a bit den i wished him happy birthday,jiu kup le lo..ya..den he play wif bro and fren,so,i not tok to mel and mummy lo.

skype mummy.mummy ask me y i so sian sian.den ask me was i busy tokin to lovell.den i say no.den she see me answer her tat tym lyk wan cry liao so nv continue ask lo.den daddy still wanna ask ask ask.den mummy quickly change topic..dots..oh well.tok to mummy den damn no mood so she say dont tok liao lo.so i chat wif mel lo..chat chat chat..chat bout their clique de gossip..noe quite abit of surprisin news..yupps

chat for around 2 hrs den lovell came home.he webcam me.den lyk nth to say again..he lyk everytym go out come back jiu say miss me and all tat.i dunno how i feel.lyk say already lyk for e sake of sayin?i dunno.just tat he already went out to play liao den come home say all these.den lyk yew noe..dunno la.den he doesnt seem to lyk it when i tok to mel.so i dint reply him aft abit.aft awhile we did e usual tings except tat little bit different ting..

aft tat,he jiu slp le.lyk usual..aft he slp i jiu go pom pom lo..pom pom le come out,toked to mel again lo..i seem to tok to mel more den to lovell lo.haix.sometyms makes me feel tat lovell already dont have anythin to tok to me already.lyk he seems happier when hes wif his frens,bro and all lo.haix.dunno leh..haix...nvm..he happy can liao..he happy i happy le lo..mel and ali plannin lovells bdae tomolo.den ask me everythin..den,make me feel damn bad..they all can celebrate bdae wif him den i cant..haix.den mel help me tink how to raise e money to lemme come back.but he can only lend me money next week..haix.by next week oso too late liao..haix.so cannot come back lo.haix..why dint i work for e past few months?if i worked e past few months now already got money to fly back liao lo.no needa be askin ppl to lend me money lemme come back lo!!haix..sian!!i really wish to come back lo.haix.how?take e risk?use my own card to buy or wad?yes or no?shud i or shud i not?sian......

18feb2011

2011-02-18T18:47:00.000+08:00

so cant slp at all....lyk wasted my tym on e bed only..ah well...

daddy called asked if i called home.but i dint so kup liao.yupps.hmm.its really early now..dunno wad to do too.apparently lovell dint send me anythin on fb.so suppose he is busy and out ba..so ya..in tat case dont disturb him liao lo..just...ya..wadever..

18feb2011

2011-02-18T13:58:00.000+08:00

breakdown.

im startin to noe how mummy feels now as i get older..shes always keepin tings in her heart and not being able to tell anyone.now i really do noe how mummy feels..maybe wadever mummy had said to me is rite..she is rite.either hide it all in myself and well hiden or dont even have it..

fuck sake.SANDRA CHANG!!fuckin hell,stop all these emotions!!!!!!STOP!

as tym passes,i dont noe wad i use to really know of anymore..i really dont..not anymore..its all question marks now..why and wad am i doin all these for?i dunno.i really dont..i suppose i really hafta figure it out.

18feb2011

2011-02-18T13:42:00.000+08:00

hmm.i tink his high..but im not gonna ask!!SANDRA CHANG! CANNOT ASK!!! YEW CANNOT GUAN!!!!

18feb2011

2011-02-18T13:37:00.000+08:00

hmm.spent quiet times alone again..start watchin ming zhong again..ya.really damn bored.haix.

dunno y my gastric start again liao=(haix..tats fine.can tahan,anw,dint wake lovell up at 11.let lovell slp in longer till 12 den started wakin him up.but he cant wake up.only woke up at 120..hmm.no matter how i wake him he oso dont wake up.until e end gastric damn pain le..so ya..anw,dunno y but suddenly he jump up and disappeared..den heard he tokin to someone outside,so,e first person was leon,but i dint hear door bell so tot maybe it was leonard..hmm,dint get to tok to lovell but i kup skype le..i tot was leon so it means he will high.but even bro oso will high.so doesnt matter..

i suppose oso wont tok to him today and tonight le..hopes he enjoys himselves tonite and tomolo ba..ya..i dunno wad to say and i noe i cant say it here anymore.so i'll just hafta keep it in my heart le ba..its fine..hmm.now i cant go to bed le.but oh well...

17feb2011

2011-02-18T08:14:00.000+08:00

okie.toked to mel for hrs!!bout everythin=)den apparently he saw some pics which lovell would kill me if he saw.doubt he saw it yet cos he haven scold me yet.haha!=)hmm.tok to mel until around 8pm.den my chicken ready liao.den ate at around830..den i finally got my chicken out and cook maggie wif sausage and eggs=)hehe=)yum yum.den sat down eat..mel jiu went to slp le.den lovell jiu gang gang hao come back den call me=)he go pom pom..dunno y he lyk emo emo lyk tat de leh..haix.

i dont understand y he everytym come home liao den will down down de.keep sayin he feel bad and everythin nv pei me.hmm.i dunno how to say lo..he already went out to have fun liao ma.den he come home den down down de..hmm..make me feel lyk he come home,den he damn sian lyk tat.den i feel bad..den keep sayin feel bad and all.but,already go out liao ma..den no point keep sayin it wad..get wad i mean?nvm.i oso dunno wad i sayin.retarded....

anw,tok to him abit.den he lyk sian sian de.make me oso sian sian leh..dunno how to tok to him make him not sian oso.haix..den tried to tok to him lo..yi kai shi he down down de.den aft tat tat wormy ...... liao den start le lo..haha!=)den ya.aft tat he went to bed le lo.see him really lyk tired lyk tat.haix.he high these few days,today oso.den tomolo hes bro celebrate his bdae wif him..so go club ba..which means high high high..i oso wann join him..hmm.so bad cannot celebrate his bdae wif him.haix..sian!i damn sian sia!!!urgh!!!haix..

now lookin at him slp,i really wanna have tings e way i wan it to be...but y does tings nv go accordin to how it is suppose to?!urgh!!!i hate it!!really hate it!!urgh!!=(

17feb2011

2011-02-18T03:45:00.000+08:00

woke up pretty early e first round.but lovell e cam was already off.so,i continued to slp lo..until i wake up tat tym,lovell already go out le=(den e fuckin fire alarm went off every 5 secs!!urgh!!so annoyin la!!lovell went bugis meet mummy shoppin wif her..so sweet rite?haha=)okie.i was really tired..so skipped mornin workshop.but,i actually can fall aslp wif e alarm lo!hmm.lovell met mom at bugis den went crystal jade to eat dinner den he say he eat until lyk ball lyk tat.haha!den he bought 2 levis jeans.nice..so cute rite?lovell lim and mummy go shoppin.haha!im sure i wud love to do tat wif my mummy provided we dont quarrel..hehe=)

okie.den he told me bout got a girl ask him do modellin.den 2 girls ask him help test top,den gt a couple go into e same fittin room.den dunno got weird sounds come out anot.hahahah!=)den i woke up at 1 den prepare go sch..den lovell hafta fb me say leon gng to bugis pick him and his mummy up and send her home den they gng out..oh well..nvm..den i went to school earlier lo.meet gemma,simona and kelsey at cafe.den go class early to tok tok tok.lesson start,lecturer damn guailan.sttitude lyk fuck.wadever..den,damn shag in class.fb aunt..den toked to some random person who added me on msn lyk ages ago..so tok tok tok...oso lyk damn shag,den dowan tok to him liao.den come outta class damn sian den smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke lo..den went to tesco den bought tings den went back room den ya.

reach home den jasmine added me on skype den skype her lo..den tok tok tok to her for an hr plus..den,called mummy tok oso..another hr..den start makin my chicken ting.den tok to mel all e way lo..tok bout everythin..den lovell out wif leon ma.so,nvm lo.watch drama and tok to mel lo..yupps..now marinating chicken awhile more jiu go put in oven.yupps.haha!=)den eat maggie again ba..i lazy cook rice.haha!=)yupps.oh well.sian..nth to do..but,nvm..its fine..

i now desperate lose all e weight again.tok to mel bout it.den is lyk i wanna be lyk yiling la!!!!!really!!!!OMG!!!ahhh!!!

17feb2011

2011-02-17T11:17:00.000+08:00

yay!!im so happy now!!!!!lovell woke up to wash his hair cos very itchy..so smelly la!hahahden he pei me tok all e way until now lo!!i so happy la!!!from 9ish tok until now 11 lo!!heheheh=)tok tok tok tok tok=)today is really tok tok tok tok tok only=)hehe=)happy happy!no longer down liao=)hehe=)im gonna smile to slp le!hehehe=)

now tat pig pig has fallen aslp when i went to pee pee=)haha!!pig pig!!!thanks hun for makin e effort to wake up and tok to me!!thanks very much!muuackx! i love yew!i really do!!!=)

17feb2011

2011-02-17T07:46:00.000+08:00

was down a couple of hrs ago b4 lovell slp.but now he wake up liao,everythins gone!not down anymore=)he made e effort to wake up and tok to me..im so happy!thanks hun=)i miss him so much!

but ive to ruin everythin by tellin him i receive somethin from someone.which i den realised was from marco.i dint expect marco to send 12roses to me for valentines..thanks and sorrie..i wasn in on tat day so dint receive it yet..but he shudnt have spent tat money..hmm.i tink lovell must be abit jealous or angry bout it le ba..im sorrie..

hun,i accept e gift from him doesn mean i accept him.in my heart,deres only yew..i love yew hun..i really do=)

my horrible dream='(

2011-02-17T07:40:00.000+08:00

i had tis dream on e mornin of 16feb2011=(

lovell and i had dinner at his place.den spend tym watchin kangxi in his room wif him..really loved it alot!!den,went home tt nite aft watchin kang xi and er ren shi jie-in cos next day got sch.reach school,i was late..so sat at e back of e row in parade square..apparently we were in e same class too.so,i tried lookin for lovell and couldn find him so i tot maybe cos last nite i left late so he couldnt wake up tis mornin den late for school lo.so texted him..den school past den i oso dint see him around.he dint text me too=(i waited and waited but nth from him='(

school ended..i went opp sch wif mel,ping ping and james to slack.mel and ping ping went to mac to buy mac for me and james.i waited for lovell to appear.but he nv did.when mel and ping ping came back,they asked me where lovell is.but non of us noe..haix='(hmm.they asked me..but,i have no idea at all='(aft eatin,lovell still haven texted=(he kinda disappeared=(i cried so badly,my heart really hurt and it woke me up from my slp='(i felt really scared when i woke up..really was=(

i hate tis kinda dream='(

16feb2011

2011-02-17T07:05:00.000+08:00

hmm.toked to melvin and jasmine..proper told mel alot of tings..felt abit down..hmm.lovell said somethin today..he say he really bored cos everyday he stay home den lyk nv achieve anythin..he was all agitated and everythin bout stayin home.it kinda made me feel bad and started tinkin bout it.given his character,he wudnt stand stayin at home to face his com other den gamin and slpin..i feel bad..wad i dint wan in e beginnin of tis relationship happened..i dont wanna lock him down.which obviously i did..im sorrie.his been home just facin laptop for almost a month already..sorrie.i dint mean to de.i really do understand how he feels..just lyk how i feel..ive been so useless for e pass 10months.i haven done anythin too.just stay in my room.ive spoken to mel bout it.den he say i shud do somethin bout it..haha.i dunno leh.i feel lyk ive lost myself already..we toked bout e yl ting too.den bout lovell high-in..

mumy called when i was about to pom pom.toked to her for abit..den lovell called me on my fone.e moment he tok to me,i noe he high liao.hmm.i dunno how i feel at e moment.but down for sure.i mean he use to tell me if he was gonna be high..but tis few days,he kinda lyk hide it from me liao..ever since he say he wanna stop it den ask me help him,hes been tryin to hide it from me when he high..hmm.make me feel damn bad bout it..i mean,i rather he tell me he wanna or he is rather den hidin it from me..makes me feel lyk i dont allow him to do it..i really wan him to be happy and do wad he wanna do..i dont wan him to be hidin when he wanna do tings.tats just gonna be terrible to be controlled when he nv lyked to be controlled.

im sorrie hun,i shudnt be so attitude just now when yew tok to me.im sorrie.just tat i feel really bad bout now yew do tings hafta hide from me.if i dont guan yew so much,den yew wudnt hafta hide from me le.i promise i wont guan yew,control yew and stick to yew too much from now on..muackxz!!i love yew.i just wan lovell to be happy..as long as his happy,even if he hafta give me up,im fine wif it as long as his happy wif his life rather den now lyk tat..

16feb2011

2011-02-16T22:56:00.000+08:00

went to bed tat tym lovell wake up!!haix.den,he say slp together..den he lie to me lo.so only i slp=(okie.slpt really long=)slp till around 8in e mornin.den,lovell tok to me awhile.den i fell aslp liao.slp until aound 1plus..den tok to lovell.he lyk damn sian lo.haix.feel so bad.he stay home just to pei me.haix.sorrie.

hmm.den he lyk really sian until he almost gng crazy liao leh..hmm.so ask him go out lo.he last tym de hua,wont be home de lo.now,i make until he stay home everyday just to pei me tok.sorrie.hmm.he said he damn bored.den leon nv call him.so he damn sian.its sian cos he was waitin for his call for e whole day.tats cos he was waitin.tats y he damn sian wad...haix.

i feel so damn bad bout it.haix.hmm.i realised ive been waiting for lovell to end work for months already..hmm.he said he feel useless not achievin anythin tis month cos everyday stay home do nth..hmm.now he understands how i feel when im here.i really feel damn useless when im alone here.boring.den wait for him.but,when he come back liao.i damn happy=)haha!so,its lyk all worth it de=)hehe

lovell now out to eat wif james and ping ping=)hopefully he feels beta when his got somethin to do=)hmm.sometyms,it makes me tink bout wad mummys say bout it.haha!=)maybe wad mummy says is true..but,i choose not to believe although in my heart i noe tats e truth?...how stupid eh?haha!!but,tats fine=)

anw,now,im stressin over wad to eat for dinner.how to cook e chicken..butter chicken or e salted chicken.den wif maggie mee.hahah!=)im starvin.but only can eat one meal=)

16feb2011

2011-02-16T10:19:00.000+08:00

i tot lovell went to bed for more den 4hrs already!i tot he slpt for a really long tym liao..but,i just realised he fell aslp for less den 3hrs la!!OMG!!!!tym passes so fuckin slowly tonite!!!='(y?='(dunno y tonite tym pass so damn slow la!!!i had a bowl of soup,my clam chowder=)den,oso had crisps.den watched drama and kangxi...hmm.can tym pass faster from now onwardS?haix...

sian.den skype cant see lovell liao cos just now lost connection den i kup cos scared wake him up.den he really woke up den call me back.den he fell back aslp.haha!=)muuuackx!!

15feb2011

2011-02-16T08:08:00.000+08:00

woke up wif lovells fone ringin.tink it was his mom or denley ba=)hhaha!but he was aslp.so he dont rmb wad denley said.hahah!=)anw,lovell woke me up at around930.den my stomach fuckin pain lo=(haix.den i continue slp lo..fuckin pain la!i only noe i wake up look at lovell,he was slpin all along lo..haha!but off and on i can hear him tokin to mom and everythin.haha!=)den he tried wakin me up at 11ish..den mt stomach still fuck pain='(den in e end nv go school liao lo=(wanted to go de.but really damn pain la!=(haix.

den finally woke up at 1.but lovell wasnt dere.he went to pom pom.den tok to him when he came back=)we toked for e whole day lo!!hehe=)he say his mom tomolo wanna go shoppin wif him at ion..wanna buy him a belt,lucky i dint buy for him tat day=)imagine lovell lim holdin mummys hand shoppin at ion!hahah!so cute and funny!!hahahha!

and den,he bloody hell lied to me la!urgh!i asked him if he high,he said no.liar!!he's e one who wans to stop e highness.den wan me help him..den,lyk i said,if i dont allow,he'll hide it from me and do it!!and,true enuff..3 days and he did it....oh well,den he hungry so went to make soup which turned to be maggie mee=)his mom make for him..den shun bian tok to him..so we dint tok lo..den i called mummy to tok to her lo..tis 2 weeks dint tok to her at all.haha!=)den tok to her and daddy.den,tok tok tok tok tok.mummy bought me a desigual top and wanted to buy me a bag.but dint buy cos scared i dont lyk.lucky she dint buy!so ex!hahah!=)i rather she get me wad i wanted all along=)hehehe=)

okie.aft kup wif mummy,den toked back wif lovell.hmm.he called leon den gng out wif him ltr..so ya..go out wif leon means high again le.so,ya..anw,toked to jasmine too!!i totally understand how she feels.shes feelin how i felt all along..but when yew love somebody so much,yew loss ur rational and yewve just gotta ren everythin..maybe its lyk wad jasmine said..hafta be emotionless which she doesnt wan to be lyk,which i already am to certain tings..anw,we talked bout it den made me kinda down and tink thru e past 10months..and realised im so different from who i tot i am!haha!!=)love!love is so painful sometyms.but,its fine as long as lovell is happy=)

okie.den i was so hungry so cook maggie again.den leon called den lovell was gng out soon le..toked abit more,den leon called so,he went out..so he go out wif leon so defo high de.haix..nvm..i dowan to restrict him from anythin..he can do wad he feels lyk and wad he lyks=)den,he went off..

hmm.dunno leh..sometyms just feel tat...i noe he wanna be wif me all e tym..but he defo feels bored bout bein home everyday just tokin to me.he wans to go out and have fun and not stay home lyk everyday just to tok to me.tis was wad i meant from e beginnin..i aint wanna lock him down.look,if dere wasn me,he couldve been out every single nite havin fun instead of stayin in his small room tokin to me..i dont wan him to be doin tis.but when he goes out,im lyk down for a bit but,im fine tat hes gng out.but maybe not wif his bros fren ba..i dunno.haix..just even his clique,now im feelin abit lyk..i dunno..haix.needa change!!!!!!mel say i cannot be tooo sticky!!so i needa be less sticky or non stick at all!!!CHANGE!!!=)yea.and jasmine..jasmine is feelin how i feel so often,almost everyday..hopefully she doesnt do silly stuffs!!but if its me,im sure i will be doin silly tings!...hmm..if i were to be single,i wud ask her to ignore everythin and tok tings out..if doesnt work out,den bye bye..but now im in e same situation as her,all i can tell her is ren!!everythin oso ren!even if tok to him bout it,maybe he changes for a day or 2,but,e 3rd,he'll change back to wad he was lyk 3 days ago..so,deres no point in tokin to em about it...just hafta be strong and ren everythin=)den e r/s will be alright=)jasmine,we work towards our goal together which is makin e brothers happy!=)

okie.i emo abit,den he came back le.pretty early..den he say he hungry so he went to make 8 chicken wings,8 seaweed chicken and a can of baked beans!!!OMG!!MONSTER!den i had my ice cream=)hmm.he say i look pissed,but im not!really not.just confused.i mean lyk lovell promise he wont do tis,den aftall,he still did..i dunno y i feel lyk tat but..its fine=)its all gone now=)just hafta continue trustin him=)hmm.now lookin at him slp,makes me forget everythin tat i aint wanna tink about=)i love yew hun=)
oh ya..bout yew not being able to come,its fine hun=)dont worry bout it!im really not disappointed!cos i nv expected yew to come from e beginnin=)so dont worry bout it k?when i come back in april,if i can persuade mummy to lemme go on a holiday,den we go together,k?if not we go out for a day trip to e zoo or sentosa,okie?=)muackx!i love yew.thanks for wantin to make me happy hun!=)