e one week he'd wanted passed already...many tings have happened..tings tat happened to bro,george..everythin..hmm.when i received e call from mom,i dint noe wad to do..i really needed someone dere for me..but,i noe lovell wudn be..i had no one to turn to..called george and i cudn reach her..hmm..just tat mornin,i felt lyk doin wad bro did..i just wanted everythin to end..i really wanted everythin to stop and i can no longer feel it no matter how it hurts my heart..tat aftnoon,mom called..i felt horrible..i dint noe who i cud turn to..tats when i realised,im alone..alone wif no one else...

wad happens to e 'hun,i needa slp le,its 2le..'hmm..next min,door bell rings,'sorrie hun,i call yew ltr,bye.'hmm.aft all,he'll say his sorrie,he wans me dere,he misses me and everythin..hmm.it feels lyk his sayin it just for sayin it...actually he doesnt hafta say all these to lyk make up to it.it just makes me feel lyk,'oh..i left her,i shud say tis,if not ltr she not happy..so beta say...'hmmm...

hmm..i dint wan to blog..but i feel terrible nt havin a place to throw everythin out..

everythins changed..hmm..toked to hun on e fone when he was havin his break..kinda gone when i toked to him..cant rmb wad we said..but i tink he dint realised tat i drank..anw,i dunno why i cried oso..but just did..he dint realised it too..but,tats fine..he went to work..den i slp at spore 230 lo..yupps.woke up when he call me..

felt terrible..headache and wanted to puke..nvm..hmm..den he went to buy knife.den took cab home.but e fone kup..tried callin him,he nv answer already..so,yupps.he called me when he reach home..hmm..den e usual routine..den his mom come home den he just kup me.came back he not dere liao..oh well,its okie.den he went pom pom and eat dinner.den i wait for him lo..hmm.i waited but,he nv call me back and stuffs.so,i knew he was gamin le..so dint wanna disturb him lo..den he called aft he saw e msg..den yea,i was rite..he was gamin..hmm.in tat case,ii just pretend wan slp lo..den he muted his mic..hmm..at tat moment,i felt my heart break once again..tears filled up my eyes..hmm..even aft so long,it still happens day aft day..well,i laid dere wif my eyes open,but him not noe-in it..soon,he went to bed..hmm.so i watched my ma la tian hou gong..but really dint have e mood to watch it at all..looked at him while he slpt..i feel hurt..i feel pain..nvm it..i went to slp..

woke up many tyms.he was still slpin at 19ish and his dere..his bro dint take e laptop..i felt happy..but,at e same tym,i felt fear..anytym his bro wil be back and he'll be gone..tried to accept it,and went back to bed tinkin i wont see him till tomolo..woke up sooo many tyms just to see if hes dere..yes he is..but i still feel tat fear..finally his awake and told me his bro is only comin back next week..happy i am..he woke up and started gamin..hmm..happy i am tat his awake,but...we never toked cos he was gamin..hmm..tis is how i use to tink of myself in his heart..

1.me, 2.me, 3.me, 4.me...now,hmm..1.bro, 2.frens, 3.games, 4.drama, 5.me...first bro,bro not dere,frens..when both not dere,his drama and games..hmm..tings have changed hasnt it?i no longer feel tat 'concern and e importance' of his anymore...it seems lyk im just an alternative now..perhaps tats wad he meant by its been too long since im away..everythin changes..for e pass few days,its been his game and his drama..although we're on skype,but  his gamin..he'll say im quiet and all.but when i tok to him,he cant really hear..he gets to engrossed in his game..hmm.maybe tokin when yewre gamin is e wrong tym..in tat case,i choose to slp..but not really slp.just pretend..ltr on,he'll be aslp..

i dont feel e importance of me in his heart anymore..more and more temper and everythin..wakin him up in e mornin cud tell so much.. its so much different from how it use to be..'can give me 5more mins ma?!', 'urgh!!!', 'tsk,and cover blanket over head'...tis mornin to be honest,if i was e one wakin him another tym instead of his mom,i wud have gotten tat instead of his mom..its just e wrong tymin when his mom called him once more..i cud feel it..hmm..i dunno...

hmm..hasn he wondered y i din go out to get groceries?hmm..i wud love to..but i cant..hmm.i cant wear my pants..my knee is infected already..it hurts..but,i dint tell him..i mean,i noe wad he'll say..e when his home,his gamin..and tats when i'll tell him..and his reaction wud be..'yew ar..i dunno wad to say..yew dunno how to takairre of urself..'and continue his game while sayin it..hmm..kinda makes me nt wan to tell him stuffs anymore..feels lyk im disturbin him wif stuffs tat i wanna say and he doesnt care..hmm..simply,tings have changed and will continue..